There is nothing I like more than a show that manages, in 30 minutes, to offend every cultural group possible.

Thus is the show Banzai.

It's a hoot. Stupidly crazy. Silly. Even sillier Americans. We are a bunch of complaining naggers.

Animal rights activists are appalled. The National Council on Problem Gambling would like to see viewers urged to bet responsibly. And the Media Action Network for Asian-Americans has complained the series showcases "the most offensive, negative Asian stereotypes." According to the show's creators, it has aired for two years in Britain and he hasn't heard any complaints. The show uses virtually all Asian actors who use their own accents, not exaggerated ones, they claim. "I can understand that Asian-Americans want a realistic portrayal of Asian-Americans on TV," an official said. "But this isn't set in America. It's not realistic. It's fantasy."

Some of the offerings have included:

* A game of chicken between two elderly ladies steaming full-speed toward each other in wheelchairs: Which one will veer off first?

* A priest, a rabbi and ex-Hulk actor Lou Ferrigno face off in a stationary bike race.

* A soccer contest between a one-legged kicker and one-armed goalie.

* "The Shuffle of the Sinful Ladies," where viewers had to pick which of three Japanese women in white face wore red panties under her kimono.

* How many helium balloons would need to be attached to a chicken before it becomes airborne. 90)

"You brave little chicken! We will never forget you!" host Burt Kwouk says as it floats skyward to REO Speedwagon's "Keep On Loving You."

I suppose some African Americans were offended tonight when the bet was to see who would be faster at jumping in the water to retrieve a tossed stick: a dog, or "the not so funny "Willis," Todd Bridges. (the dog won)

The small people of America may rise up revolt over the race to see which midget could climb up the basketball player and plant a flag in his head first ("Vertically Challenged Vertical Challenge").

It was amusing to see how long Bill Murray would allow an interviewer to shake his hand (89.2 seconds).

There was also a bet to see how much money a woman could shove in her mouth ($21.00).

Do you think that the Brits were offended by the Tricky Dicky Diana Doll Question challenge, in which a yes/no question was answered by tossing a Lady Diana doll out of a hot air balloon and seeing which field (yes or no) it landed on?

And just who wouldn't find funny the "Michael Jackson�s Reverse Race Rendezvous,: where 3 Jacko look-alikes race across an ice rink doing the moon walk?

I have a particular creepy affection for two characters whose main functions are to make celebrities uncomfortable. "Mr. Shake Hands Man" stands on a receiving line and grips a celebrity's hand, not letting go until the person pulls away. The game is guessing how long that will take. Similarly, "Lady One Question" carries a microphone, queries a celebrity and fixes her subject with a blank stare. When will the person walk away, weirded out by the unresponsiveness?

I signed up, but was not able to log in, perhaps because it was already in progress. You bet on the answers, and the name of the top 10 players are posted.

Next week the show includes Wig Man Wager, Wheel of Misfortune, Riveting Race with Genuine Babies, Dodgem with Blind Ladies, Baffling Briefcase Bet and Fantastic Freddy Man Flutter.

I'm all over this. Sundays. 7:30 Central. Oh yeah.

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