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Aw, crap!

Actually, it could be worse. I thought it would be anyway. But it has been a very hard couple of weeks here at the Ibe household!

Remember, I took myself off of the "X" because of the stress caused by my NOT YET ex-boss. I felt that I shouldn't be doing anything else to raise my blood pressure. Working two jobs (and some nights a third!), and having threats on my answering machine or mail each day was taking its toll. Migraines, stomach aches, anxiety attacks. So the X was an easy stress to eliminate from my life. My Dr. now says to throw it away as it is poison. Shit.

At first, I kept up my good habits of not snacking. But slowly it crept back into my life. A bowl of cereal here, a piece of toast there (note the bread theme). Then there has been a degree of sabotage: SOMEONE (mom!) has dropped off a huge box of doughnuts every Tuesday on her way home from volunteering for Meals on Wheels! One day dad stopped by with a dozen Krispy Cremes. His reason for bringing them to my house? "If I take them home, I know what will happen!" HUH? HEY DAD! You knew what would happen if you brought them here too! Dang!

Birthday came and went. 4 nights in a row of eating out. Cake. Brownies. MMmmmmmmmmm broowwwwwwwwwwwwwnies! Garrett's Cheese Popcorn! Oh LORD that is good popcorn.

And then. Halloween. The night of gorge. Excess. Last year, I had to budget the candy near the end, and rely on the rejects form the kids' personal begging bags. I turned out the light at 8pm, when the "official" hours of begging were over, with not a single piece of candy left to give. This year I have 5 bags of crap left. And I mean CRAP! Usually I start giving out the garbage and leave the good stuff til late so that if there IS anything left, it's stuff that I like. This year, I didn't get even 1/3 of the way through the crap. I did a lot of gum this year. Tragically, I bought it before the anthrax situation, so I am think that most of my shock-tart powder filled gum balls are being tossed out. It's a shame that the turnout was so dismal, it was a truly beautiful night last night. Mild. Breezy. And lit by a blue moon. How perfect was that?

The last really bad Halloween I had was 15 years ago. I had just found out 2 days earlier (on my birthday) that I was carrying twins. The next morning I went for a glucose tolerance test. I was only 12 weeks on my way, but I was pissing sugar cubes. Sure enough, I had gestational diabetes. WHich meant this needle-phob had to do 7 finger sticks a day to keep track of my blood sugars. So I had to forgo the Halloween treats. And you know what? It was pretty easy. And it wasn't too hard to behave through Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day too. In fact, my body lost weight and I had to have monthly ultrasounds to ensure that the babies were growing. Oh, I was taking in the calories the Dr. told me to, but I was adhering to the ADA diet prescribed to me to the LETTER! Although my babies weighed 5#9oz and 6#11oz (3 weeks early!), I only gained a total of 20 pounds. Mostly because my body was doing the work for three, and I burned off calories just trying to breathe! The diet thing is what I find interesting. Why was it so easy for me to stick to that diet? Easy. Because if I didn't, I risked having stillborn twins. Pretty compelling motivation. Obviously, the idea of knee replacement, a bad back, risks for Type II diabetes or heart disease isn't as compelling. Not yet anyway.

Maybe I'll just have a yogurt with my coffee today, and skip the bag of PayDays.

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