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Thursday, Sept. 25, 2003 - 7:46 P.M.

Throw Me a Bone!


Today's weight: 199.0 pounds Original Weight: 212.5 Total loss: 13.5 pounds


You know, some days are bad from the get-go. And then....

This morning I overslept. By a lot. I managed to get out of the door only 20 minutes late, but I had bad feelings about how the day would go. My hair didn't style right, I had no time for makeup, and I had a headache. I didn't feel right. I stopped for coffee at my usual gas station, and was met by a new fangled fancy shmancy coffee bar. The owner of the chain was grilling the Indian manager about the ins and outs of the beans and the brews. I poured as I eavesdropped.

"This is no longer the decaf bean we use," he drawled. "You have to use this bean, and it goes on this side in the orange rimmed pot. Then in this here pot you got yer Columbian, and then here ya got yer Dark Roast and this one here is yer Fancy Roast."

I looked at the cup I'd just filled. "What the hell roast did I just pour?"

Judging by the look on his face, I am a complete idiot. "That is the DARK ROAST! You can tell by the brown rim, just like it is everywhere else."

Judging by the tone of my voice, HE was the complete idiot. "Well then, which one is just plain old regular I-don't-like-fancy-coffee coffee???"

No, I guess I am stupid. I got the look. "That would be Columbian. It has the BLACK rim."

Oh.

So I left to pay for my dark roast while he continued his lecture on the bean. The cashier smirked while I went on about how I just want coffee in the morning, I don't want choices. After wrestling with the black-hole-purse, I paid and left, only to return 5 minutes later to retrieve the coffee I left at the cashier when I paid.

I got to work later than usual, earlier than I am required to be there, though. Slut-bag is not talking to me. She's not really talking all that much to many people, but she REALLY isn't talking to me. I'm not just being paranoid, I tested it out. I speak to her and she averts her eyes and walks away. Every time. If I ask a question, she answers me curtly and in as few words as possible. She isn't rude, but icy. I can't go into why she's mad, she shouldn't be mad, and I've made every attempt to help her see that, including writing a long letter to her, but I guess I'm out of her circle for good. And that feels crappy, but I'll live. Anyway, she was there, shot a few ice cubes my way, and so I was sitting at my desk wondering why the heck I didn't just call in sick.

My assistant (did I mention that I have a full-time assistant this year and she's WONDERFUL???) points out to me a wad of paper that was shoved under my door. I open it, and was really taken aback. I half-expected a reply to my afore mentioned note. Nope.

For this to make sense I have to explain 2 things. First, our school mascot is the Bulldog, and the administrators have been rewarding the staff as we see them demonstrate skills such Leadership, Positiveness, Thinking Outside the Box, Teamwork, Questioning, and Clarifying, by giving them paper "bones." When they receive 10 of 1 kind of paper bone, they will be rewarded with a silver chain and a silver bone. The hope is that by the end of the year, all staff will have a complete set of silver bones. We administrators were to have a complete set, but they haven't come in yer, so we each wear our one specialty area bone, mine being Thinking Outside the Box (surprised, anyone?).

The second thing is that for 3 current years with this school and the 8 in my previous life there, I have played the role of innovator, cheer leader, morale booster, liaison, facilitator, and wearer of many, any and all hats asked of me. And I've received very little recognition. Ok, I've received no official recognition. Pitbull, at one time, made a point of making very positive statements about me to the management, but she's been wrapped up in a lot, and for the last 6 months or so (actually just after the bachelorette party), she's been preoccupied and not very available to me. And for the most part, it's not affected me. And for the most part, the slight wasn't a slight at all. For the first 8 years I was a contract therapist, not a "real" employee, so recognition wasn't a consideration. And the last 3 years I've been administration, and my job is to support those who aren't. So. I haven't complained. But every once in a while, when no one is looking, it feels lonely.

I unwrapped the piece of paper, and inside was a bone. But not the silver kind. It was all patriotic (and I happened to have worn my patriotic star blouse today). Beautiful. And inscribed on it was the following:

Goddess of all that's needed by all. Recognized by us on this day 9/25/03. Thank you Ibe, you go girl!

I'm not often speechless.

I didn't find out until the very end of the day who gave me "the bone." Despite all of my investigative tricks, I wasn't even close to guessing correctly. Not an administrator, not anyone I consider myself close to. That made it even better.

What a very special end to a very special day.


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