There are a few things I have done in my life that for which I am ashamed. There are even fewer things that I currently do of which I ashamed. I am engaging in one of those shameful pleasures right now. CELEBRITY BOXING! It's been a long time since I've done a real-time live post. I thought this was a great opportunity. So, my real-time commentary follows.

So. LET'S get ready to rrrrrrrrruummmmmmmmmmmmmmmbllllllllllllllle!

Match #1: Olga Korbut vs. Darva Conger. What the hell is this about? Why these two??? Olga has aged, man, and not well. Darva is looking strong, but then since she is 1/2 the age and twice the size, then I guess it would just figure. HO! Darva just blasted Olga through the ropes. Pummeled her good, real good. Poor Olga. Russia is probably looking real good to her right now. Well, the crowd goes wild for 2 chicks swinging madly at each other. Shit! They just said Olga is 47! So Darva has yet one more thing to be proud of. She beat the crap out of a much older, much smaller woman.

Hey. I think Olga has false teeth.

Arnold Horshak vs. Screetch! What the holy hell! THIS is great television. You have to admit, that the concept of Horshak fighting ANYone is amusing. I never watched the Screech show (Saved by the Bell), but I was a Kotter fan! Horshak looks like Sting (ok, a SMALL Sting).

DING! He's going to wear himself out racing around and flailing his arms for the fans. Screetch is claiming to be a "Bad Man," acting all tough and slow-walking. We'll see.

Again, we have this age thing. Screetch is 25 and 198 pounds and Horshak is 144 lbs and is 45. He writes children's stories. And they are calling him the "Pulverizer."

Horshak just took a sissy push at Screetch before the bell rang. I predict he is going down early.

Screetch just pounded Horshak's kidney and Arnold tried to hit him backhanded. HEY PUSS! This isn't tennis. Horshak no longer knows what planet he's on! Staggering. But he makes it through the 1st round. He's in the corner whining to his trainer about how he "couldn't get in there." No shit, he's 1/2 the size. Maybe HE should have taken on Olga!

Round 2...Horshak goes down, but foolishly gets up. He's trying to look mean, but actually he just looks stupid. His head had just snapped back like 5 times in a row. He is huffing and puffing, hands down...AND NOW HE'S DOWN AGAIN! Oh Ladies and Gentlemen! What a fight! A TKO in the second round. He doesn't seem to know it's all over, unless he always has that crazy look on his face. But now he has something else: 2 black eyes and a bloody nose.

He still sounds like Horshak. Poor guy.

Manute once killed a lion with a spear. He's 7'7" and is donating all his money from tonight to a charity.

I think he's gonna kill the Fridge. He easily steps OVER the ropes to get into the ring! SHIT! Fridge waddles down the aisle. Seems to me that Manute should win easily cuz the Fridge won't be able to reach him. However, if he DOES, he'll snap Manute in half. Perry is 39 and Bol 42. They meet in the ring, and Fridge stares intently into Manute's belly button.

Fridge tried to tackle Manute. Got a few blows in, but Manute nailed him in the face. Fridge, who barely moved, is completely winded by the end of round 1.

The crowd begins to boo. Mostly dancing. Little fighting. End of Round 2 and Fridge just huffs back to his corner for a snack, shaking his head. He says he can't reach him. Duh. They want him to bob and weave. I guess they also want him to have a heart attack. Do you honestly think this guy has EVER bobbed (except for apples)???

Manute jabs, Fridge flinches. Again and again. The ref just told them if they don't box, they won't get paid. That must have scared the Fridge cuz he charged Manute. Not with his fists, though. With his head.

Oh want a pitiful "fight" this was. Fridge is draped over the top ring gasping for air. A unanimous decision for Manute. Poor Fridge. I think he's going off for a couple of buffalo. Not wings. Whole buffalo.

I hope she kicks his ass. She warned him to wear his cup. He's surrounded by a bunch of women, but I don't see anyone with a bullet in her face. Did they divorce? Joey lisps. It's not a good sound for a grown man. He's looking pretty old . Why the hell is this guy considered a celebrity anyway? Cuz he screwed a girlie who then shot his wife. I hope Jodie kills him. Make him talk like a little girl, punch that lisp right out of him.

Joey is 16 years older and 75 pounds heavier.

The bell sounds and they come out swinging. It's a SLUGFEST! He's cocky now, hands down like he's not worried. She'll kill him, she's in better shape. He's a punk and the crowd is booing him. She mixed it up good. The difference is that I think she can take it for 3 rounds, and he'll croak if it goes the distance.

Round 2. Ooh. Jodie nailed him right in the face and it PISSED HIM OFF! Oh hells bells! Not only did he go nuts, he then picked her up and THREW her to the mat! The announcers said they want her to get him below the belt.

Round 3. Again she nailed him and he explodes into the piece of shit he is. He shoves her around. He pushed her down again! The crowd HATES him. The final bell rings and he continues to hit. What a punk. But then, he likes to fuck little girls.

Final decision? 28-28, 29-27, 29-28 majority to Joey and the crowd is NOT happy. China just challenged him to a wrestling match. Puss man would never do it.

TODAY'S QUOTE

"If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such."

*Homer Simpson*

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The Digital Bastard's Claim as of date 5/20/02:

Beginning Weight: 204.5

Goal #1: 184 (Met 5/19/02)

Goal #2: 164.5

Total lost: 22.5

Pounds to go for goal #2: 17.5

Pounds to go to my final target....58.5

I hope to meet my final target by May 1, 2003

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