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Friday, May. 10, 2002 - 6:55 A.M.
I Wanna Be Like Charlie
There's a girl and she's here to stay and they call her CHAR-LIE.
Crap, that just showed my age. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're too young so never mind.
You know that gal up there? Charlie Dimmock, Ground Force princess of the "wahtah feecha." For those who are BBC impaired (and you know who you are, you are the people who are unaware that the horribly boring Trading Spaces is a shitty rip off of the superbly delightful Changing Rooms)., Ground Force is the BEST gardening show. People write in and request a garden makeover as a surprise for a loved one. Then they make up some fiendish plot to get that person out of the way for 2 days, GF comes in and completely transforms a mess into Eden. Complete with decking, cobble, trees, flowers, fountains (said "wahtah feecha") and mulch. I am a GF addict.
SO. Every Mother's Day, MOTH presents me with some wahtah feecha. The first was my waterfall in the back yard.
Last year, I got a beautiful bird bath for the front.
And this year? Another waterfall. In the front yard! Woo Hoo!
In anticipation of the loveliness in store for my neighborhood, I went out and bought a variety of plant material. Planters and pansy seeds and red/white/blue bulbs for around the flag pole and bleeding heart bushes for the corner and phlox for the bird bath. Out I went, with bags and bags of top soil, plant mix, spade and fork.
Now on GF, they all dig in and do amazing amounts of work in just 2 days. I know that I am under no such time line. Then again, they strip entire lawns of their turf without aid of a turf cutter, just muscle and sharp spades. Charlie the brasses wonder with wide hips, flings her beautiful tresses back and forth and tucks in and frequently shows up the men in her digging abilities. It looks so effortless.
With her in my mind, I stick my fork in the ground and am stunned when it bounces off of the surface. I apply my size 5 foot to it and try again. Penetration achieved. Unfortunately, we're talking about 1/4 inch penetration. I make a few more jabs at the crust, toss the fork on the ground and go inside for some Cool Aid and flavored rice cakes.
I want to be like Charlie. So far, all I have are the hips.
"Well slap me on the thigh and call me Samantha!"
*Alan Titchmarsh, Ground Force*
Beginning Weight: 204.5
Goal #1: 184
Total lost: 17.5
Pounds to go: 3.0
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