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Sunday, Jan. 19, 2003 - 9:33 A.M.
Considering Forever
Last night we went out to dinner with Pitbull and her hubby and Chicky and her man. He's a looker, as is she. Actually, one of the reasons we went out (primarily to celebrate Pitbull passing her test and officially receiving her type 75 School Admin certificate), was to check out this "Dougie" guy that Chicky's been seeing. He passed. Easily.
In our drunken silliness, we spent a lot of time in the women's washroom, together in the handicapped stall. In between feeling each others boobs (or in my case, padding), we pumped Chicky for some info, things like does she love him. She said yes. We discussed othr things like "forever" and how they would make some beautiful children, and I think we scared her a bit. It's really harder for women, wanting kids and hearing the clock tick and at the same time wanting to be really secure and sure, so as not to make the same mistakes I've made. I mean really, one shouldn't have a hat-trick wedding, you know? And Dougie hasn't been sure that he's ready, and I respect that honesty.
So, to Doug and Chicky, I again pass on to you the questions that I believe need to be addressed when considering FOREVER. There are billions of books out on the subject, there are counselors dying to take your money to help you figure it out. But really, it isn't hard if you are willing and brave enough to answer these 5 questions completely and honestly. Then share your answers with each other. That's the scary part, because if you really want it to work, you have to be able to accept the fact that it just might not be right for you two. Ignoring red-flag answers is pretty much an invitation to failure. Of course, one of the assumptions prior to taking the IbePreMarital Quiz is that you are in love and considering the Forever step.
That being said, here is the Offical
1. Are your life goals similar, compatible or contradictory? Where you want to live, the type of job you want, material things (who wins in the event of a draw?), CHILDREN which includes not just yes/no or how many, but WHO raises the kids, day care or parent, schooling, religion...
2. Do you like each other enough to enjoy boredom together? I mean can you handle EXTENSIVE down time together? Because at some point in your lives, you will either not have the money or the time or the energy to be going out. Scrabble anyone?
3. Do you like each other enough for Forever? FOREVER. The romance comes and goes. But the LIKE is the glue. Look at that picture above. That's a forever vision. With age, things fade, slide, droop, sag, wrinkle, shrivel and shrink. Can you see yourselves in that picture up there (aside from them being white)?
4. This is the critical question. In the worst case scenario, which could happen sooner (illness or injury) or later (age)... could you, would you, be able to change your partner's diapers?
And most importantly:
5. Can you count on your partner changing yours?
I doubt any therapist or book could come up with a better list of questions. Good luck Chicky and Dougie.
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