Polls are closed in our State. Now the commentating and the guessing and the rush to be the first projection (after 0.625% of the vote is reported)begins. It's interesting to see my kids so into the results. One is a self-proclaimed Democrat, one Republican (Eldest at college is a STAUNCH Republican). Funny thing, though, is that we are almost in complete agreement on most important issues.

Despite my recent ramblings, I am not a staunch conservative. I have never voted straight ticket Republican. In fact, until I met MOTH and was allowed to state my beliefs without being repressed or made to feel stupid, I didn't realize how in line a lot (not all) of my views were with the Republicans. I vote based on individual issues and more importantly on personal character.

Until 2000, I never cast a vote for anyone who wound up as President. Oh I voted, it just was never for the man who won. Last time, I stated that G.W. was not the man I thought was best suited for the White House. I just thought he was a better choice than Gore (I still hold that belief). I was pissed that I had to choose between 2 men who I didn't want. To be honest, I've only really been excited about one Presidential candidate, ever.

It was my first election. In 1980, Jimmy Carter was running for re-election. Because of his inept (imo) handling of the Iranian hostage situation, I could not back him. I was just too young and idealistic to support Ronald Regan. John Anderson had my support. I actively campaigned for him. He was an Independent, but he really had a chance, he had ideas and ideals which excited me. I knocked on doors and delivered brochures. And....he lost.

It was the beginning of a very long losing streak for me.

I'm posting tonight because I want to get something off my wee little chest. I feel really bad that I let the ugliness of this election get the better or me, and posted "angry," "bitter," and "depressing" stuff as pointed out by my good long time friend Egon Waloo down there in the tag board. This is not only a man who I've known for more than 30 years (!) but who's personal and professional opinions and writing I've admired. His comment made me feel ashamed of not what I've been feeling, but how I've been expressing it. I don't listen to people when they shout at me, so why would anyone listen to me shout at them?

What I have listened to, too much in my life, is people telling me that I am too stupid to discuss politics, or that my opinion is of no worth. For 16 years in one relationship I listened to, and eventually believed, that. So when I felt that those words were being thrown at me again for my support of GW, I snapped, and then I engaged in screaming so loud that I couldn't be heard. And I launched into tirades that smacked of sentiment that had been attributed to me. I should have known better than to talk to and about people in a way that was so hurtful when it was done to and about me. For that I am sorry.

Right now, I have access to no less than 34 channels of speculation. Most of the channels have obvious slants or spins going on. Rather than allow it to upset and frustrate me, I am going to sit back and be amused. (We thought about watching the results come through on C-SPAN, but decided that we'd probably fall asleep.)

The "excitement" is mounting now, with the Western states' polls just closing. It's just too close to call right now in those keys states....but the staff of 34 channels will be doing their damnedest to do so for most of the night.

See ya in the morning!

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