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Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003 - 3:40 P.M.

Curse the Purse


Today's weight: 199 pounds Original Weight: 212.5 Total loss: 13.5 pounds


I want the fried nads of the cretin who turned the purse into anything more than a bag in which to carry my crap to and from wherever. That's all it's for, and they don't even do that very well. I hate the purse. The purse is a curse. And I resent having to have one, and I DO have to have one because I tote a lot of stuff and I don't wear pockets.

Maybe I should blame the people who designed women's clothing and decided that we don't need pockets, hmmmm? Although if I did wear pocketed clothing sufficient to tote this barge, I'd look like Cap'n Kangaroo. I don't need that.

What I need is a functional bag, large enough to hold anything I want to carry. Like my Lean Cuisine. And my daily planner. And my WW calculator. And phone. And bank and business cards, and money, and makeup, and contact lens solution, and brush, and scrunchy and hair clip and reading glasses, and dental floss and breath strips and gum, and tissues and keys, and a bottle of water, and change, and pens and my checkbook, and my cell phone and my pager.

And the purse should be designed so that there are many little places for each type of thing. Not a dozen evenly sized pockets which result in my searching through every freaking one until I get to the last one that inevitably holds the item in search.

I have many purses. I don't like a single one of them. The little ones are useless and the large ones tend to just be a large sack which every time I think will work better but then when I go for the search it turns into the black hole and I practically have to climb in to find what I need. The ones that have a lot of compartments SHOULD work better, but I still have to completely empty out each and every one before I finally find that elusive tidbit. It's usually my driver's license or bank card. But it doesn't really matter what it is. If I need it, I will have to hold up the line for 15 minutes looking for it. Even if I find it ahead of time and put it where I can easily find it, it somehow slips away. People in the grocery store hate me. I have a reputation, like the little old lady who goes in to pay a bill with $50 in pennies.

Today I went and did a little bit of grocery shopping after work. While my frozen dinners sat there rapidly defrosting as I dug furiously, this little old lady strolled by with a small sack of goods, and the above pictured bag slung over her attitudinal arm.

I don't know how much it costs retail, because I buy all of my purses at Target or Walmart and I'm not about to pay more than $10 for a freaking crap bag. But there are several ladies at work who are all gaga over the Louis Vuitton stuff. Heck, I'd never heard of him (him?) before. Anyway, that there bag up there is currently running on Ebay. With about an hour left, it has had 35 bids and is currently at $1,525 but the reserve hasn't been met. Excuse me?

Like I would want a bag that costs more than I'd ever be carrying?

I got curious, and I took a look over by der at that Ebay place, and I am GOB SMACKED! The have a bag, of course it is a "limited edition," which means they only enough to cause the greedy to feel somehow threatened if they don't have one. Anywho, this bag is made of canvas. Yep. Like the tennis shoe. Not leather, not buckskin, not alligator or gold. Canvas. Are you ready for the asking price? On EBAY???? Only $6,490. Take a deep breath. Swallow. Look again. That's right. What a bargain, huh? If you actually take a look, you will see that there are no bids on it, they have to be purchased. However, I did see that there was one bid on a LV bag for $3,299. And there are 2 days left on the auction. And that's not the most expensive LV item at Ebay, oh no. There is a bag going for upwards of 8 GRAND!

I'd rather have the $10 Target purse that I hate, or even a $20 WalMart bag and I'll keep the money I didn't spend on the purse IN the purse.

Or am I missing something here?


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