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Today's weight: 203 pounds Original Weight: 212.5 Total loss: 9.5 pounds

You know, a perfectly wonderful vacation can be tarnished by one single experience if it is lousy enough. Perhaps I should entitle this post "The Amtrak Experience."

Good Lord.

First of all, I recognize that travel by Amtrak is cheap, cheaper than it would have cost us to rent a car and pay for gas, and cheaper than the 8-10 hour drive would have been in terms of wear and tear on our Poverty-mobile. And it so happens that we would not have gotten to our destination any sooner if we'd driven ourselves. So, the $130 round trip for two looked good. We bit. And it left a very sour taste in our mouths, although since I've been on my diet, I don't seem to mind too much the taste of anything.

When we boarded the train in Chicago on Friday morning, we were all chipper and alert and positive. The cars were pretty full, and this being our first time on said train, we took one of the first available seats in the car on which we boarded. I should have known better, I should have listened to myself as I pointed out a young toddler sitting in his mother's lap and said quietly, "Oh, that does NOT look like a very happy baby." No shit.

I've never really been tested in this way before, none of my children had colic, and they never really whined, mainly because they learned at a VERY young age that it would NEVER do them any good. It helps, sometimes, to work with children in a behavioral program. You learn some of the tricks of the train (like continuity) and pitfalls (like giving in to unwanted behavior). So it was never a big issue. But Jesus Lord Almighty, this crabby sack of DNA cried ALL THE WAY to Missouri, all freaking 9 hours! Ok, I exaggerate just a bit, for he did fall asleep about 5 minutes before we had our 1.5 hour layover in St. Louis. I was so danged tempted to give him a pinch as he lay there quietly in his exhausted mother's arms as we got off to go to a MALL for some peace and quiet. And food. I needed some serious food.

However, once when we got back on, there he was, eyeballing me the moment I came through the door with the same damned scowl he had on his ugly puss in Chicago. We spent as much time as possible in the dining car to get away from the crying, only to be sitting amongst pre-teens engaged in a very rousing (read:LOUD) game of God knows what. I knew if I stayed in that car I'd dive into fat and calories, so I went back to my seat and twisted my stomach up in knots to keep from screaming at the kid.

It was such a welcome relief to get to Jefferson City. I have a problem with noise anyway, so between the screaming kids, the constant rumble of the rail, the ambient noise of multiple conversations and the white noise of the air conditioning, I thought I was going to explode.

A few really perfect hugs from Fanny made it better and we spent the next 3 days in the comparative silence of her lakefront condo. An occasional boat or jet ski whizzed by, but it was a haven. The only downside was the relentless 104 degree temperatures and heavy humidity. But that was merely a minor inconvenience and didn't spoil any part of the trip.

On Monday morning, I got up at 6AM to prepare myself mentally for the noisy trip home. The sun was just peeking over the hills, the boats were still at rest as was the lake itself, save for a few jumping fish. I swear at one point a dolphin leapt out, it was so huge! I watched a few hummingbirds hover at a feeder, and I dangled my feet in the pool while the pool guy silently skimmed in preparation for opening hours. It was so quiet, I found myself bemusedly listening to my own breathing.

The revelry didn't last long enough.

When we got to the train station, we exchanged looks. There was a BABY! ARGH! Now it wasn't the SAME baby, and he wasn't looking crabby, but we took no chances. We boarded the train as far away from the child as possible. The first car had a few smaller kids on it, so we went to the next. Another set of kids. We went to the next car and there was a mother with 3 kids that looked to be about 10-14 years old. Doesn't anyone leave their kids at home alone anymore??? Well, rather than risk going to the next car and finding it worse, and recognizing that a younger child could come on at any subsequent stop, we decided that at least these kids were not likely to cry, and they'd probably not be as much of a problem. (I think you probably know where this is going!)

I was very tired, having gotten up so early to hear the world's quiet, so MOTH while MOTH went back to the diner car to hear a historical presentation, I curled up in a very tight fetal position across out seats and fell asleep.

It didn't last.

I was startled awake by a piercing scream followed by loud guffaws and giggles, and a wimpy halfhearted barely motherly "shh."

Before I could open my eyes and look up, I felt a gale of wind rush past my head, followed by more shrieks. Crap. Indeed, we had avoided the crying baby only to be amidst uncontrolled pre-teens who were now running up and down the aisles. My idea of joining MOTH in the dining car were ruined when he appeared, obviously angry because he couldn't even hear the presenter over the loud conversations and rude behavior. Now, let me explain that neither of us expect everyone to sit in silence for 9 hours, honestly we don't. But how rude is it to make multiple phone calls (and of course you have to talk very loudly on a cell phone in this train to be heard) in the same room as and during a presentation?!? And how inappropriate is it for passengers to be screaming and running up and down the aisles. Oh, and leaning their seats back and then pushing the buttons so that they'd snap uprightly loudly.

We sat there, in our muted misery. We missed the silence of Fannie's place so badly, and while I missed our kids and Bug, I was tempted to jump off and walk back.

Once we found out that the presentation was over, we went back to the diner car where it was just as noisy (or worse) than it had been in the coach car. But we stayed there anyway, until we reached Chicago. And I did what any compulsive over eater in my position would have done. I ate like there was no tomorrow. I had a hot dog and chips and an insane sized Snickers bar and pretzels. And a Diet Pepsi.

All of my hard work over the vacation weekend was undone with that fateful trip home. I KNOW I had to have broken 200, Fannie and I did a great job of counting points and making low-point choices. Lots of fresh fruit, low-fat alternatives to what the men ate.

Believe it or not, it didn't end in Chicago. Oh HELL no. We walked to the Metra station for our hour ride back home. We sat in an almost empty car, passing through any car with a human being under the age of 30. Settling into the cool vinyl seats and cuddling for a quiet transition home, we braced ourselves at the first stop when 5 teenagers jumped on board and spent the rest of the ride yelling, screaming, JUMPING ON THE SEATS, and just making the rest of our vacation miserable. It's enough to make me want to start a petition to ban minors from the rail system.

I just munched on an Arby's roast beef and full-of-fat pretzels all the way home.

Damn kids.

Damn Amtrak.

Damn-trak.

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