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Thursday, Aug. 30, 2001 - 8:02 A.M.
Day 9: A God Damned Update
The digital bastard is a mother fucker.
I have pretty much behaved (for me anyway) over the last 2 days. Yes, I am still taking the "X" and having fewer side effects. And no, I don't plan to increase the dosage. Snackage down to 1 time per day, and it's a snack not a binge. Yesterday I had a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast (and before you fuck with me, I had a BOWL, a NORMAL size cereal bowl, not the whole box) with 2% milk, a grilled chicken breast and fries for lunch with a diet Coke, a cinnamon roll when I got home, and a bowl of Cheerios with milk (the same size I had at breakfast) and a biscuit from KFC for dinner (I couldn't bear to throw it away). NO COFFEE! And I gave in to the H2O conspiracy and had 2 bottles of water for a grand total of 32 ounces of water.
Now I didn't think I would come home and miraculously have dropped 50 pounds. In fact I waited until this morning to test out the digibast. 212.5. MOTHER FUCKER! I pee. 214.5. What the fuck. I am the only bitch on the planet that can gain weight, 2 pounds no less, by peeing. I kick the bastard. 208.5. HEY! Maybe there is something to this exercise thing. I just burned 6 pounds of calories by kicking the scale! (p.s. Post shower = 209.5 but I probably had a pound of water in my hair). So by my reckoning, I have lost 6 pounds in 9 nine days. Actually I lost 6 pounds in 3 days and have maintained it for 6 days.
So now you all have your update and go to hell! I don't want to talk diet any more right now, so just a few thoughts before I waddle off to work.
Yesterday I mentioned the fact that I am no longer in the Monthly Bleeders club. Good thing. Now they have come up with another idea for easing cramps. Magnets. In the panties. Just what I would look like walking down the street with magnets in my panties?
"Mommy, why is that lady humping that flagpole?"
"Where the hell are my keys? I can't find my damn----oh! Here they are on my crotch!"
"Hey Ibe, got a paper clip I can use? Um....never mind."
"I think I have a quarter in here somewhere...."
Would someone please just let Bob Hope die? Jesus Christ. We aren't fooled. We all know he really is dead, and has been embalmed and is just rolled out periodically and manipulated like a marionette. It's sad. It's worse than sad, it's gross. Let the guy go for God sake!
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