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Tuesday, Jun. 22, 2004 - 10:18 P.M.

EAT, Dammit!


Jesus H. Christ. How hard is it to open you freaking mouth put something, ANYTHING, tasty in it and chew? Oh, and don't forget to swallow...and NO FINGERS!

So the "don't call us the Olsen" twins are now 18, have something like 1.5 million cash EACH, and they are all messed up. Who, besides the parents who have a vested interest in their twin-image, didn't see this one coming? I mean is it normal for teen age sisters to be joined at the hip? Until recently, they dressed alike, they walked alike at times they even talked alike. Some people were a bit up in arms when Mary-Kate dyed her hair darker, GOOD LORD! Actually, that was one of the healthier things they've done.

See, I saw the signs of trouble much earlier. Years ago, actually. It began with the Callista Flockhart lippy non-smile. Kinda pouty, but not really. A little lopsided. Very unappealing to me, but then I don't delude myself. They aren't TRYING to appeal to me. The next sign was that they seemed to lose muscle tone in their necks. They can't keep their head up straight (attention Paris Hilton, you have the same problem!). It just falls over to the side. The next, near fatal, sign was the collapse of the spine. Head tilted, body slumped, lips crooked. What a mess. It got so bad that they constantly had to hang on to each other just to keep from falling over.

You think I'm kidding? Take a look at their pictures over the last few years. It's sad.

But what kills me is that they continued to deny "rumors" that "might" be a problem. Especially from their parents. Good Lord. Here's a hint to when there might be an eating disorder, despite denials: HER FREAKING BONES ARE STICKING OUT OF HER BACK!

Amazing. Even scarier is that when I did a search for an apt picture of the 2 girls, their names were often switched. Mary-Kate is the one with darker hair, the "one" with the eating disorder (yeah, like the blond one is fatter!).

With all that money, I'd be eating cake and hiring a chef to feed me properly and a trainer to keep me in shape.


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