And she asked me to sing Sunrise Sunset with her Godfather. ~gulp~

And this means that today I had to do what I hate most in the world, and that was find a dress to drape over this body I loath and I had to try and look at myself as little as humanly possible while doing so. I finally found something. It's a beautiful dress, but I am going to die from the heat.

I took my shower tonight so I won't have to rush in the morning. And I did a silly thing by rolling my hair up into those silly foam curlers to ensure myself a crappy night's sleep. You see, I am more than a little bit nervous about this singing thing. Like I am nearly petrified motionless. Seriously. It's one thing to sing in my own church in front of people who only know me there. But I am going to be singing in front of my family, my extended family. And my brother in law's family, people whom I've known for 25 years but since they all live rather far away, I don't really KNOW them, and I feel like I am totally exposing myself to them. And believe me, I am nowhere near a great singer. I have an adequate voice. I love to sing and wish I could do it better, but I don't have the kind of voice that anyone would request at an event unless I happened to be their aunt AND their Godmother.

She is the sweetest thing in the world, and I love her to pieces, even if she hadn't asked me to sing.

So tomorrow I am going to be feeling sick from butterflies in my stomach. I am going to wrestle with my hair and probably hate it. I will put on my Mary Kay makeup and then try not to sweat it all off as I wrestle into my freaking pantyhose, and then I will put on the new dress and completely swelter because I have to wear the jacket that comes with it because the dress is sleeveless and I have the worst case of TRUCKER'S ARM in history! 3/4 of one freaking arm is brown. And then we have to be at the church early because I haven't even practiced the song with the Godfather yet (he lives out of town) and I have to sing all of the other songs with the band in front of the church with microphones. This is a lot of pressure! And I don't want people whispering to their neighbor saying "GOD! Who IS that person singing and WHY is she singing????"

I know that the God-daughter will never hear it, she'll be so busy looking at her guy, but it will be videotaped and maybe later they will silently regret that they had me sing.

So I have to focus on the fact that the little thing I held in my arms just yesterday is getting married. My sister's kid. I remember being so overwhelmed when I saw here, I couldn't believe that my sister PRODUCED that! I mean, it was no slam on Karen, but it's just the lst infant I'd been this close to, and the baby was the most beautiful perfect piece of flesh I ever laid eyes on, and she was so tiny and she had these little teenie tiny perfect fingernails and she was breathing so softly but I could see her back rise and fall with each breath. I was gob smacked. Speechless. I cried.

Just like I will tomorrow.

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