I was asked to chaperone the high school music groups to the "Festival in the Parks" competition yesterday. Just how I wanted to spend my Saturday. Already stiff and sore from a brutal week of physical restraints at work, I really just wanted to sleep in. Nah.

Eldest and I arrived at the high school at 6AM. Yeah. 6AM. He was dragging as badly as I was. He has pain in his legs and knees. I think it's a cross between growing pains, running the mile twice towards the end of the week in P.E. and all of the dance he is doing in rehearsals for the Spring musical.

"This sucks," he grumbled as he dragged himself to the back door. "This is going to be the worst day of my life."

Mind you, he has a worst day of his life almost weekly. He said that he was just going to hang out with me all day (since I don't do roller coasters).

There were 3 bus loads of kids. Eldest and his lady friend had signed up to be on my bus, but they were assigned another. He was grousing about that, and she played along...but I know if I had been her I would have been relieved. I mean, I know she likes me, and I like the heck out of her, but if I had a Saturday to spend with my boyfriend at that age, the LAST thing I would want is his mom's keen eye on us. Ya know?

So. I was blessed with Bus #2. We headed North to Northwestern University, usually a 90 minute ride. Unless of course the bus drivers don't know that you are headed there and instead depart with the secondary location, Great America in mind. As an adult, have you BEEN on a bus with 60 high school students, primarily girls? HAVE YOU??? Holy Hell. Close your eyes, add in a heavy dose of fatigue and motion sickness, let your imagination take you....

My dad is getting me a Corvette...I wish I was rich...when I get married I'm going to marry someone with money...Oh my GOD let me use your eyeliner...He is so GAY...He is so HOT...I hate my mother...I'm getting my tongue pierced...I hate my father...Shit...Fuck...OH MY GOD...Are we there yet...Let's sing ____ (insert the first verse of your least favorite 60's hit here)...I'm going to move in with my father...Next year I'm moving out and getting a place with my friends...I hate my mother...I hate my father...Shit...Fuck...OH MY GOD...Are we there yet...

I got my mind off of needing to puke by engaging the girls in life lessons and such. I figured that they had driven me crazy, so I returned the favor. By the time the bus arrived they said I was the coolest ever and they wished their moms were like me and they were never having kids but if they DID have kids they were going to be like me. Yeah.

They all scattered to their respective warm-up rooms, and I got to once again watch my son shine. The music these kids make is simply breathtaking. I sat there watching him watch the director, watched him feel the music. I saw a man up there, not a boy. I watched how the others looked to him, how he had become a real leader.

When we left there and arrived at Great America, the chaperones got off the buses for a briefing and I could see him through the window of his bus. Standing there with his lady, snuggling and lightly smooching. God. I tried not to stare, but I couldn't stop. My son is grown. Almost all the way. It didn't really make me sad. Just...I don't know. Later, when they were released for the day into the park, I could see them up ahead, holding hands in a group. I felt a tug at my heart. And a lump in my throat. I felt very lonely.

I went to an entrance line one over from his. He looked around and called out to me to come over. He said that they were going to go for something to eat first, and wanted me to join them. Sounded good to me. But as more students joined, I felt odd mom out. I tried to beg off saying that I thought he'd be more comfortable with his friends and that they'd probably enjoy being on their own. He said he didn't care about that. But I did. I just felt that it would be the right thing to back off. He smiled, said "Ok, but I offered!" I acknowledged that and thanked him and then gave me a great big kiss right there in front of all of his friends. God I love that boy. I'm sorry. Man.

I had a slice of cheese pizza (it was 2pm and it was my first bite of food) and some "Dippin' Dots." Odd things, but tasty. I managed to fight off the urges brought about by the smell of funnel cakes. Why does hot grease smell good? I walked around, bought some things for MOTH and of course something for me. I watched one of the girls walk around all on her own. She is large, and quiet, and I felt bad for her. It's hard to be alone when everyone around you is not. I decided to try and spend the rest of the day not talking. I just wanted to be quiet. Even when I bought things, I said nothing verbally. I smiled, I nodded, but I was voiceless for hours upon hours. It's a good thing to do every now and then.

As I walked, I strained to see my son. Amidst the thousands there it was not very likely. I was scanning, trying to pick out his Cubs hat amidst the sea of hats. There were a LOT of Navy personnel there, all in their uniforms and white hats.

I thought about calling MOTH a few times, but I really didn't want to use my voice. I was savoring the noisy silence of my mutism. I sat at the front pond and watched the six American Flags (hmmm, six...go figure!) flutter in the perfect breeze...watched a goose destroy a lush tulip patch to build a nest. I didn't even break my silence to correct those who were watching that "ugly duckling." I spent a good deal of time there until I felt that my neck was going to burn from the sun's reflection off the pond.

I spent 7 hours being silent. I spent 7 hours absorbing the sounds and sights of the day. I spent 7 hours thanking God for everyone and everything in my life.

The kids won 2 1st place trophies with ratings of "superior," two second place trophies with an "excellent" rating, and an 8th place (underclassmen). Before the buses re-loaded he again gave me kiss right there on the lips in front of God and 180 peers, without embarrassment or hesitation. I needed that. It was hard to face the ride home, surrounded by more of the inane conversations I heard on the trip up. It makes me appreciate my own kids so much.

I don't know how long I will keep the following picture on line. I don't like to reveal the faces of people without their expressed permission, but I happened to witness my eldest and his lady getting their picture taken by the entrance photographers as we came in. I dug around, found the picture and bought it. I think he exudes every trait I've described in him. And I wanted to share it.

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TODAY'S QUOTE

"100 bottles of beer on the wall...."

*Mandy, Sandy, Brandy, Candy, and Randi*

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TODAY'S ALTERNATE QUOTE

"SHUT THE FREAK UP!!!!!"

*IbePiglet*

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The Digital Bastard's Claim as of date 5/5/02:

Beginning Weight: 204.5

Goal #1: 184

Total lost: 18.0

Pounds to go: 2.5

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