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Wednesday, Nov. 02, 2005 - 9:44 P.M.
Duck! It's a Goose!
What the hell is with the mother fucking GEESE?!?!? We didn't have this huge issue with them when I was small, people ATE them for God sake, although I never have. Most likely because every single time someone mentioned goose, my father commented on how greasy they are, so after 48 years of hearing grease tails from the gander, I choose not to even go there. I digress.
Is this yet ANOTHER strange biological mutation occurring in my lifetime? Is the gaggle pictured above (not far from my home) a now-common sight elsewhere in this country? Because it sure as hell wasn't like this when we were kids. You only saw geese in the late fall flying south, and then in the spring returning. The goose has now joined the ranks of the ever present earwig, another damn thing that wasn't a part of my youth, and the faux-ladybug, the so called "Japanese Beetle" which is ORANGE instead of red, BITES, and STINKS! Oh, and don't get me started on the sea gulls that hover over any body of water larger than a puddle. For Christ sake, I live at least 30 miles from the nearest lake, 10 miles from the nearest river (you just can't count the nearby branch of the DuPage River as "river," is more like a muck slick). But in every subdivision they are swarmed overhead, circling like buzzards over God knows what...what the hell do they eat? There can't be any fish in this puny reservoirs. Did you ever see a crane or heron outside of the zoo 10 years ago? Well, they're all over the place now, and as cool as they look up to their asses in muddy marshes, I bet they don't look nearly as good lying there dead from the cold of our winters.
And back to the goose situation, here's a little fact I learned the other day. When they fly overhead in a particularly large group and in that curious "V" shape and you are compelled to look up at them....they WILL shit on you and they WILL hit their mark.
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