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Saturday, Apr. 20, 2002 - 6:11 A.M.

IbeOutOfTheCloset


It's 4:00AM, and I can't sleep because I took some cold medicine last night that knocked me out at 9. I've been up for about an hour now, and I can't seem to clear my mind. I thought maybe a post would help. I have shared quite a bit of myself with all of you over the last 9 months and I felt that it would be best to just get it all out in the open. My policy has always been to be open, hide nothing. If you have no secrets, then you don't have to fear exposure. So. While MOTH is still asleep and can't talk me out of it, I am sharing my closet secrets with you, my friends.


I was a closet "Zoom" fan. Yes, it's true. Sadly, it was marketed in 1972 for preteens and elementary students. I was 15. So I snuck my Zoom time. I knew all of the original cast. Nina was tall and gangly and awkward and I felt a little sorry for her because she seemed very uncomfortable, like she was too old for it. Nancy was the youngest, and real cute. Tommy. I think every one but me had a crush on him. I thought he was a snob. Joe always sounded like he had a cold (probably large adenoids). Kenny was black, and I had no exposure to anyone of color growing up here in this town, and as a result, I neither liked nor disliked him. Tracy also had the adenoid thing going on, but I kinda liked her. She wasn't as cute as the others and I kind of identified with her. Jon. I had a little crush on him. I never learned their Ubbi-Dubbi language.

"Ubbi-Dubbi is spoken by placing an 'ub' before every pronounced vowel in a word."

Wh-ub-at-ub-ever.

I didn't care to watch after the first cast was replaced. In fact, I found out recently that they replaced people twice per season and no one was on it longer than 2 years, and they were prohibited from making commercials for a period of 5 years afterwards so that none of them became stars."

I know too much about Zoom.

That's Zoom, Z-double-O-M,

Box 3-5-0,

Boston, Mass 0-2-1-3-4

Send it to Zoom!


I watched H.R. Pufnstuf. ~sigh~ I bought the soundtrack to the movie. Most of you probably didn't even know there WAS a movie. It had Mama Cass in it too. "You've gotta make your own kind of music, sing your own special song..." I ate the kind of shit up. I loved Jack Wild. I fell in love with him when I saw Oliver and I didn't care that he was acting with puppets and talking to a flute. I actually really loved Mark Lester (who was Oliver) but I figured he was too cute and since there was less competition for Jack, I'd stand a better chance. I hear that Mark Lester, is now an osteopath and he looks nothing like he did then! Jack does, and sadly, has not aged well. He's pretty wrinkly.


Did someone say "Soundtrack?" Add to that one above, Pajama Game, The Wizard of Oz, Bye Bye Birdie, Mary Poppins, Romeo and Juliet, Oliver, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Grease, Pink Panther (and all of its sequels), Help, Hard Day's Night, Yellow Submarine, Same Time Next Year, Young Frankenstein. Young Frankenstein? Yup. I listened to that all the time, memorized most of the dialog (remember we didn't have VCR's back then!). I had an album of Laurel and Hardy movie dialogs, and I had a 5 record collection of Marx Brothers recordings from movies, radio and stage shows. I had An Evening with Groucho.

The Marx Brothers were an obsession of mine. I still have almost every book written about or by them, and I recorded every one of their movies using a old fashioned tape recorder with a microphone held up to the television speaker. The problem was that my brother always was laughing out loud and I'd shush him through the whole thing. I now own all of their movies on video tape.

Basically, most anything I watched and liked, I wanted to see again. But without VCRs and having limited money for movies, the next best thing was to get the album. I spent more time listening to spoken records than I did music (with the exception of the Beatles music). I had all of the George Carlin albums, Cheech and Chong and Monty Python. It was NOT cool at the time. It made me feel like a freak, but I liked comedy and show tunes much more than Top 40


Although I listened to spoken word and soundtracks the most, I had a huge musical album collection. The musical choices I made were, for the most part, very very uncool. I used to make collections, so I had everything ever recorded on vinyl by the Beatles, Bobby Sherman, John Denver, the Monkees(!), Simon and Garfunkle, Peter Paul and Mary. I mean really. Take away the Beatles and what have you got? A freak!


I was too short to wear bellbottoms. They were always WAY too long, and by the time my mother shortened them, there was no bell left!


I never learned the art of saying "groovy." So I was reduced to "cool."


I was a closet Donny Osmond fan. I knew I didn't stand a chance. My mother hated him. Actually, anyone COOL hated him. But I thought he was the coolest. I still think he's handsome. And nice. And just how uncool is that? By the way, I didn't limit my fandom to just Donny. No, I was fickle and longed for almost any male that appeared in 16 Mag (NOBODY said "magazine"). Bobby Sherman, David Cassidy, David Hennesy (Dark Shadows)....I liked David Hennesy because he wasn't as popular and I thought I'd have a better chance.


I liked the Monkees (I favored Peter, because everyone else was Jonesing after Davy so I thought I'd have a better chance.). I saw their movie Head. I understood it too. I got the symbolism. I know it was written and produced by Jack Nicholson (and another guy). Terri Garr and Frank Zappa and Jack appeared in it. I ~gulp~ own a copy of it on video. I had the soundtrack. I know all of the dialogue and every song.


I not only watched Green Acres, but 2 of my girlfriends and I were the founders (and only members) of the official "Eb" fan club.


Geeze. I thought I'd feel better getting those secrets out of the closet, but now I just remembered why I spent most of my time alone in my room. I WAS a freak! My days were filled with television and my albums and my room with my strawberry scented candle-in-a-jar and my notebooks where I would write and write and write...without a keyboard and spell check. Those WERE the days my friend...

...we thought they'd never end,

we'd sing and dance forever and a day.

We'd live the life we choose,

we'd fight and never lose,

those were the days,

oh yes those were the days.


You can find your own old memories at these really interesting sites:

TVParty is a membership site, but there is a LOT there for free, including out takes (audio and video) and scandals.


TODAY'S QUOTE

"Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts."

*Steven Wright*


The Digital Bastard's Claim as of date 4/20/02:

Beginning Weight: 204.5

Goal #1: 184

Total lost: 14.5

Pounds to go: 6.0


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