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I was doing well, finally. Because I weigh myself every day DESPITE all of the warnings not to, I saw that on Friday morning, I was ahead of pace. That is the weight that is reflected below in the ticker. But. And this is a BIG but, bigger even than MY butt....we had a party to host that night. And I knew it was going to be a blow out. I tried for damage control. And failed.

My plan was to just allow myself anything I wanted. Go for it and eat. My rule was that I had to write down what I ate. I thought I could do that. After all, I went shopping on Thursday for all of the food, and MAN did we buy food. I'm talking chippage and dippage and cookies and cheesecakes and cheesecake and cheese and crackers and chocolates and countless other snackages. And real soda pop in glass bottles. Real honest flavors like orange and strawberry cream. It was a retro party, and all of my favorite things from my childhood were there.

I was falsely encouraged because I touched nothing on Thursday as I unpacked the bags. I touched nothing on Friday morning. And I was good until about an hour before the party kicked off and I was left alone to.....open....the....bags.

Dum dum dummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I didn't write a single thing down. Not only did I not, but I found myself falling hard off the wagon. Not only did I eat like a freak on Friday, but it continued on Saturday when I downed about 10 pounds of peanuts in the shell and perhaps 5 boxes of candy cigarettes. I drank sugared pop like I'd spent a week in a desert. On Sunday, we went to my mom's for a parade...and more food. I have no idea what I ate or how much. That's the worst part, I was just like a land shark, circling around the food table, swiping a bite or two on each pass.

Monday was no better, especially when I stepped onto the bastard and saw that I'd replaced 3 of the lost pounds. I ate no breakfast, and brought nothing to work for lunch. I didn't eat a bite until I got home and then I swear it's a blur of candy cigarettes, peanuts, Necco wafers, Ruffles potato chips, egg salad, cubed cheeses, summer sausages....

What's even more frightening is that I hid what I was doing. That's not really my pattern. I'm pretty well out there in my obesity. Not mush I can hide. It's not like I got this way munching on salads, you know, so why hide? But I did. And then today...oh God. I got home and barely made it into the house before I was practically sitting inside of the fridge, and while I gorged on that stuff, i phoned the pizza place and ordered a pizza for delivery! Oh yeah, the damage control was that I made it a plain cheese, thin crust, and small. Oh yeah, THAT'S control. I ate half of that puppy and downed a gallon of lemonade, the real stuff of course with real lemons and real sugar. I felt panicked, I was so out of control.

Then MOTH called and said he was going to be late, he had stopped by the store to get me an SCTV DVD to reward me for the hard work I'd done. But I already had all 3 volumes, and so he came home and told me how much he wanted to support me and I just melted down. I confessed to what I'd done and asked him for help. And so now as I write this the house is filled with the roar of the garbage disposal taking care of everything I shouldn't have including the leftover White Castle hamburgers and circus peanuts and coleslaw and chips and dips.

Gone are the sodas and lemonade and cheese cubes and sausages. In their place are my sugar free cherry koolaid and fat free cream and skim milk and low calorie low flavor bread and lean cuisines and smart one meals.

I simply refuse to put my Monday's weigh-in on this weeks ticker. No. What's reflected is what happened prior to my fall. I have 5 more days to work hard to reduce next week's results.

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