Shit.

I am not happy about going back to work, I knew that, everyone who knows me knows that. It was a long boring day, most of the teachers were out at a conference, and I, being a contract out-cast (I work for an agency, not the school directly), got to be in the building all by myself. Peachy. It shouldn't have been a problem.

Time got away from me and I ran out to get lunch at McGrease's, and got a jumbo Diet Coke. Actually, I didn't order it that way. Here's what I said: "I want a #3, no pickle, no onion, with a diet." I KNOW I said that because it's what I always say when I go for a heart-burger.

"Would you care to try an extra value meal today?"

So, I look around...like are you talking to me???

"YES! I want a #3, no pickle, no onion, and a Diet Coke."

"A Large Coke?" (I can't type an Indian accent, I *think* that's what he asked.)

"DIET Coke!"

"That's a #3, with no pickle and a large Coke?"

"And no onion," I impatiently add.

"I'm sorry? No pickle? Or no onion?"

I am ready to get out of my stylish Caravan and walk up to the window and bitch-slap him. I take a deep breath.

"Listen very carefully. NUMBER 3! NO pickle. NO onion. DIET Coke."

"You want to change it to a Diet Coke?

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I should have left, I know it. Don't even try to tell me that. "YES! I AM CHANGING IT TO A DIET COOOOOOOOOOOOKE!!!"

"Supersized?"

MOTHERFUCKING JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY! PISS IN A CUP AND I'LL PAY FOR IT, I DON'T CARE!!! YEAH, SUPERSIZE THE BASTARD!

Then I looked up at the clock. And I realized if I didn't take my "X" right then, it was going to be too late and it would keep me up. Against all of my better judgment and against all of the medical warnings about taking it with caffeine, I swallowed it. The rest of my work day is kind of a blur. About 1/2 way home I realized my jaw hurt. I was grinding my teeth.

I should have laid down, but all I could focus on were the papers on the floor. Stacks of mail on the table.

I wanted to lay down, but my laundry was on the bed because I had left it in the dryer this morning and Eldest was doing his laundry now.

I wanted to lie down, but the doorbell rang. It was my dad. He showed me his Senior Citizen pass for the High School Football game this weekend and I realized I hadn't gotten my family pass that I paid $50.00 for at registration. Then Eldest says he has possession of the family pass but all it is is this stupid flimsy pink slip of paper. One. And it is supposed to be used to admit the whole family? And it is supposed to last all year? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? Dad does his best to calm me down by offering to go and get it cleared up for me sometime tomorrow because Lord knows I can't go because I HAVE TO WORK!!!!!!!!!! He wisely leaves.

I wanted to lie down, but needed to make a phone call and it had to be before 5:00. But instead of focusing on getting that done, I went through the house torturing myself.

Bird seed all over the living room rug translated into "CAN'T ANYONE EVER VACUUM THE GOD DAMNED LIVING ROOM WITHOUT MY ASKING????" Beast gets out the vacuum and gets to work on it.

The back yard grass is so high it is obscuring the view from the kitchen window, "CAN ANYONE ELSE SEE THE FOREST OUT THERE?????" Eldest scoots, I think he was muttering but I was on a roll and didn't want to stop to listen.

I start to see red. Finchie, who by know has completed his homework and is on the computer is sitting with his foot in a empty cereal bowl that is on the floor. I think that's when I went blind.

I don't know what I said exactly. Frankly, I don't know that I said anything coherent. All I know is that at the end of the verbiage, the bowl was off of the floor, the dishwasher was running and I had collapsed into a kitchen chair sobbing.

Beast had to ask. "Mom? Are you taking your hormones?"

Yeah I took the fucking hormones. The problem is that I also took the "X."

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