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Sunday, Sept. 16, 2001 - 5:41 A.M.
Another Hot Flash
Digital Bastard readout: 202.5 Which means it gave me back the loss I had already earned which means I STILL have lost the same 12 pounds I lost like forever ago. I made a huge sacrifice last night and did my civic duty as an American. I kept hearing about how we should participate in the economy and spend our money. So, just to help out, I ordered a pizza.
Ok. I'm sitting here at 5:00 AM on a Sunday....WIDE AWAKE thanks to the massive hot flash that began about an hour ago. I don't know how many living can describe the sensation of burning that goes on under the skin during these flashes. It is accompanied by such a massive night sweat that my first thought upon waking (after "who set my body on fire?") is "Did I pee the bed????"
So I peel my sticky body away from the sheets, roll off the bed, pick my 10 pound head up off the floor (2 pounds of actual head material, 4 pounds of sinus mucus and phlegm, and 4 pounds of lower lip shanker) and drag myself to the loo. I look in the mirror and aside from the bags under my eyes that sink to my cheek bones, I see that the shanker has become so large it is weighing down the right side of my lip to resemble a nasty case of Bell's Palsy. This kind of asymmetry looks cute on Alicia Silverstone and Drew Barrymore, but on me....Well, it kind of look like Carl Spackler, Bill Murray' s assistant greenskeeper character from Caddyshack.
It's a Cinderella story.
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