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Ok, time to get a grip, refocus and rededicate this diary, and the next few months to the task at hand: reduce the bulk.

New target: lose 53 pounds by June 15. No, actually, I have to lose 53 pounds by the time I have a final fitting for the dress, and then I guess I should just maintain and try not to gain...or lose any more (yeah, like THAT'S going to happen!). So...what do you think, I suppose my dress will be in sometime in February, and I will have a fitting soon thereafter, I will tell the lady that I am in the process of weight loss, and the dress had to be ordered in a mega size anyway because I was just barely too big for a size 20 (I think that's what it was) and the next size they make is something like a gazillion. No, I think it was like a 42! Actually, the 20 might have worked, but there was no way I was going to bank on my losing any weight at all. I am committed to this, but not convinced I can do it. Not enough to risk not having a wedding dress fit anyway.

So. That means that I will likely have a final fitting maybe in mid-March. Shit. I wonder if April would be pushing things. That would give me 4 months to lose 52 pounds. Oh Lordy folks, this isn't going to be pretty. I am going to need some professional help, so I am making an appointment with my Doctor sometime today. The problem with that is, where do we start? I mean, it's like I need a major overhaul, not just a tune-up.

Seriously. The sinus infection thing is making me crazy. So I have to get that cleared up, and it is very probable that I have developed some kind of allergy. That needs diagnosis and follow-up. My hands keep swelling, and turning red, so there is going to be a circulation question, and then there is the blood pressure thing that I hope will remedy itself with the weight loss. And by the way, before anyone even begins to nag at me, I am NOT going in for any kind of heart tests of any kind before June 15. No way. If they even poke around I am sure, with my luck, that I will need some kind of angioplasty and that won't work and then we're talking bypass and I am just not going to even open that door until after the honeymoon unless God opens the door for me.

Which brings me back to going to the Dr. because I won't take the "X" anymore. So that should relieve a few of you. And my Dr. is a very conservative guy, who knows about my hypersensitivity to drugs (seeing as I delivered eldest only 2 hours after inducing my labor with a low level of pitocin, he knows first-hand how I react). P.S. Re: that pitocin episode: He wasn't speeding up my labor, he induced it. I went from 0-10cm in 1 hour and held off for another hour with rampant Lamaze breathing because I was too scared to push. But that's another story!

So. Focus. I figure that starting with today, I have about 19 weeks until April 16, which I will tentatively schedule as my final fitting. I have to lose 2.78 pounds per week. Maybe I should strive for 3 pounds since I won't succeed anyway. I know I know I know I will hear about slow and steady and the one-pound-per-week theory but that would mean I would be only 19 pounds lighter and that just isn't acceptable, although it would be better than 19 pounds heavier.

Help me here folks. Say a prayer. With diet, exercise, some prescription medicinal help and a lot of water, I can do it.

Can't I?

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