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Friday, Mar. 08, 2002 - 12:04 P.M.

The Other Man


His name is Sam.

I love Sam's. I love the wide aisles. I love the huge carts. I love the mega sized food. I got me a can of nacho cheese sauce that would serve an entire football stadium. But it's all for me (since MOTH doesn't like it). Heeheehee. I love buying 150 rolls of toilet paper at one time and not being looked at like I'm some kind of crap freak. I love buying a 10 pound box of mozzarella sticks, not because I am a food-aholic but because there is no smaller size! ~batting eyes in an innocent look~ If I was a drinking woman, I suppose I would love the ten gallon bottles of wine, but since I'm not I'll settle for the vats of apple juice. It doesn't matter if it spills, cuz I got 4 friggin huge tubs of Oxy Clean!

And can we talk meat here folks? Jesus H. Ok? Got me two of them boneless rib roasts and cut it up into the best, thickest, boneless rib eye steaks...frozen lovingly in their own little freezer bag portions. Got a million boneless skinless chicken thighs frozen individually to go with the gajillion boneless skinless breasts. Everybody is happy at my kitchen table. Wanna come over for a year's supply of ribs (boneless of course!)? I could feed the entire neighborhood for the whole summer on the supply of mini corn dogs in my freezer. I have a year's supply of coffee as well as extra large foam cups and lids so that MOTH can take his morning coffee on the train and not have to lug around a mug. Of course he won't leave the house until he has had an endless bowl of cereal!

It would be safe to assume at this point that the digital bastard has been relegated to the crawl space. He and Sam don't get along.


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