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Wednesday, Mar. 13, 2002 - 8:20 P.M.

Holy Stretchmarks, Batman!

THIS IS NOT ME!


One of the things I do when my "OCD-ish" behavior is not in check, is fixate on my body. I'm not referring to my weight, but I used to say that I could tell when I sprouted a new pubic hair. Now, this obsession with my health and subtle changes isn't raging and doesn't send me to the doctor with false symptoms. In fact, it has on accession served me well. I knew I was carrying twins by 12 weeks into the pregnancy. I once went to the doctor with sever abdominal pain only a week after a miscarriage, only to find that I also had an ectopic pregnancy. He said he couldn't believe I felt that in my tube at only 6 weeks. I could believe it. That's what I do. I know when something is wrong, and I try to pin it down, look at it or information about it, not to go in with a self diagnosis, but to give the doctor as much detailed information as I can.

Which leads me to my newest physical complaint. I itch. Not where most people might think when one says they itch. No, I have a problem with lower right area of my tummy. And now I have it on my thighs, the right being worse than the left. The site on my belly began with a reddening of a stretch mark (big surprise there, huh, that I have stretch marks). It raised up and really itched horribly. It spread and now I have a huge area that goes from my outer hipbone, under my tummy but not quite to the belly button that is beet red, inflamed and itches to the bone. Nothing topical that I have tried has yet worked, although I am going to get some otc cortisone cream today. The area on my thighs is more rashy. Rough, pimply almost and sometimes gets really red, and then fades. Let me stress the itch part. Not an irritating "I wish this would go away" itch. I'm talking it's hard not to scratch it til it bleeds itch. There is no satiating it!

So. I did what any self obsessed person would do. No silly, not call the doctor (WAY too soon for that), I did an internet search. Actually, I was searching for a picture of stretch marks to put up there at the top like I always do...and the very first picture I found looked like an extreme case of what I have. I followed the link to it's original location, and it lead me to a medical site that described MY condition:

PUPPP

(sounds kinda cute, doesn't it?)

Small, pink, raised spots ("papules") appear in the stretch marks around the umbilicus. There is often a pale halo around the papules. These papules coalesce to form large red, raised (urticated) patches ("plaques") which spread to involve the buttocks and thighs, and sometimes the arms and legs. Lesions on or above the breasts are rare, and the face is never involved. PUPPP is very itchy (pruritic) and patients find it difficult to sleep at night.

Alrighty! Ok, now this is where I thought I had it nailed. How coincidental, huh? The very first place I go for a PICTURE and I find my diagnosis. However. There is a slight glitch. You see, PUPPP has a very specific definition:

The term PUPPP is short for "Pruritic Urticated Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy", a skin condition also known as "Polymorphous Eruption of Pregnancy". It is an itchy, bumpy rash that starts in the stretch marks of the abdomen in the last 3 months of pregnancy then clears with delivery.

Pruritic = itchy

Urticated = raised

Papules = spots

Plaques = patches (so far so good)

Pregnancy = got a problem.

Uh. Hmmmm. I have no womb, ego I am not pregnant. So much for the diagnosis. Good thing I'm not a doctor. So now I am left to wonder WHAT THE HELL KIND OF COOTIE PROBLEM DO I HAVE?!?!?!?!


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