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Monday, Oct. 15, 2001 - 9:42 P.M.

Survivor


The digital bastard and I are not speaking


I was thinking. What would I want on a desert island? You can only have 1 man-made food item. RICE CHEX. 1 beverage. CHERRY KOOL AID. 1 fruit. WATERMELON (it's the perfect fruit). 1 animal. Shit. I was going to say cow, so I could milk for the Chex. But...in order for the cow to have milk, ya gotta have a bull. Not only would that be the second animal, I don't think I want to be on a desert island with a bull. Well, shit, now I have to rethink things. FUCK! Then I guess I would go with a chicken, for the eggs. Do you need a rooster for a hen to lay eggs?

Now you can tell I'm a city girl. I'm ashamed to say that I was a Junior in college before I found out that cows have milk when they have a calf. I hadn't put it together. Did I feel stupid. I was staying on a farm with some friends and I asked how old a cow had to be before it gave milk, and they said "Old enough to have a calf." I felt so fucking stupid! Hell, all I know is that when I need milk, I open up the jug.

I was watching the new Survivor from Africa the other day. Jesus what a bunch of crap. Mind you, I'll no doubt e watching said crap for the next season, but it's crap none the less. So ANYway.....

Diane was voted off first. Good strategy, off the Postal worker. Her crime? SHE ATE THE BEANS!!!!!!!!!!! Get a grip folks. Actually it was Clarence who convinced her to eat the beans...Clarence who opened the can of beans and waved it under the nose of the postal worker who was suffering from dehydration and exhaustion...Clarence who waited until everyone else was away (Staying back to "help" her)...And while those beans were opened, well hell. Ol' Clarence figured that he might as well have a bite or two of his own. That was strike two for Clarence, as earlier, when they first struck camp, they celebrated by passing around a can of cherries. Round and round that can went, and each person took a single cherry...but then someone spotted Clarence double dipping! BASTARD! Look for Clarence to do some major blow jobbing over the next few weeks to stay off the posse.

I would have done things completely differently. First of all....the water. What the fuck were these dopes thinking????? The water jugs were too heavy to carry, so they DUMPED THEM OUT!!!! What the fuck?!?!? If they are too heavy, and you need to lighten the load, DRINK IT! Now there's a concept, huh? Drink the damn water and perhaps be a little proactive on the dehydration issue! So I wasn't shedding any tears for the little boo-hoo over the muddy water hole! Secondly, the minute I got hungry, I'd eat what the hell I wanted. Let them vote me off, I would have gotten a free trip to Africa, I'd spend the next few weeks on television and sleeping in a warm bed and taking clean showers and drinking CLEAN WATER!


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