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Sunday, Aug. 26, 2001 - 8:49 P.M.

Sweating to the Oldies

Niagara Falls.

I love Niagara. No place in the world is as magical or special to me as that place. The power of the water is a magnificent sensation. That being said, that type of water flow has its place. That place shoud NOT be between my breasts.

Honestly, for the past week if I so much as maintain a vertical position I break out in a major sweat. The first sign I get is a trickling down between my boobs and a general wetness under them. Gross. The pits are next, and then the back of my head, by the hair line. It's horrid! I'm not talking about a few beads of perspiration here. I'm talking a bloody waterfall! What the hell!??!?! And then the legs start, and let's just say one word: "chafe."

I never used to sweat much. In fact, my mom doesn't even sweat at all. It's unhealthy for her, and she can't bear the heat because of it. But while everyone else is sloppy and dripping, she always looks fresh and dry. So this new massive sweating thing is not making me a happy camper, not that anything since I began taking the "X" has made me very happy.

It kind of peaked yesterday in the mall, right as I went over to look at a new weight-loss product. "Liqui-thin drops." I was trying to talk to the owner, and I was like dripping all over his booth. I tried to joke away the puddle that was forming at my feet. He said I was having a classic reaction to the "X," and he heard that others sometimes experience hot flashes,night sweats, mood swings, irritability, general excessive sweating and diarreah. I'm thinking that the "X's" days are numbered in these here parts. The MOTH would have thrown them away already if I hadn't hidden them.

I bought me a 3 day supply of the drops. I haven't taken any of them yet. I don't know... First of all they say things like they fire up my inner furnace so that I burn more calories. Ok, does that mean I am going to sweat still? Cause I would rather be fat and dry than thinner and wet. However, I can control the dosage much better with the drops. However, the guy that sold them to me looked pretty good, but said he's been taking them for six years! Jesus Christ! I don't want to take anything for more than a month or two.

Guys and gals. It's looking grim. I'm getting a fair share of email telling me to stay off of the "X" and to drink a lot of water and to exercise. Um, psssssttttt: If I had it all together enough to do those things, I wouldn't weigh this much! I NEED HELP!!!!!!

The digiatal bastard is lying, so I won't even report what it is saying today. Let's see how loud it laughs tomorrow after I spent today with my buddies bratwurst, chips and Old Country Buffet.


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