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Oh hells bells! We went out for a God awful grease packed slime ball you know what it's going to taste like and you know it's going to take ten years off of your heart but you're going to eat it anyway breakfast. At Ted's.

Just LOOK at it! It SCREAMS ambiance! Ok, it doesn't, but despite the slightly worn sign, it DOES scream "Always open" ALWAYS! I'd wager that anyone who has ever partied into the wee hours in Springfield knows Ted's. It's the kind of place where the waitresses don't concern themselves with things like good service or cleanliness. At least I didn't have to wonder if the ladies washed their hands after using the facilities because there ARE no facilities at Ted's...unless you count the dumpster! (I know, ewwwwwww, but what's a person to think?)

It's a place where the waitresses are named Tess and Betty and Frieda. Where they shuffle not so much out of laziness but out of safety (slippery greasy floor). Where they ask you if you need a menu and it sounds like a threat. Where the counters that hold the juice dispenser and coffee maker bowed from generations of strain and you can't help but wonder how the hell they don't collapse. A place where the cook is an androgynous hefty expressionless evenly paced individual. And a place where they have the balls to do all of their cooking in plain sight!

So I watched him/her (it) crack my eggs into a bowl that had been sitting out for God knows how long, and with the remnants of God knows how many other eggs from God knows how long ago. All the time, MOTH is watching my reactions so he can tease me about being a "city girl," so I keep my cool. But I noticed. Everything. Like how they had 3 sized "steaks." 12 oz., 6 oz., and 3oz. I got me one of them 3 ouncers. Which, for you curious types, was a 6 ouncer (which was a 12 ouncer cut in half horizontally like it was a fillet) which was cut in half yet again like it was a fillet. So essentially, I got a wafer thin brown piece of leather on my plate with tainted yellow clumps of scrambled stuff and slippery potatoes. OH! And toast, with a hint of butter painted on with a brush. I can't even remember what MOTH got, my head was dizzy with excitement over my plate! Add to this treat the soapy brown water in a cup, laughingly referred to as "coffee" and you get a picture of my morning at Ted's. We couldn't stay to linger over the cups of browness though...my Breakfast at Ted's didn't stay with me very long. (So...if it didn't stay with me long enough to be converted to fat, then I guess I can count it as diet food, yes????)

I think the VERY best part of Ted's is the front entrance which faces the corner of the intersection.

It has a DRIVE THROUGH TOBACCO WINDOW! For those who just don't have the lung capacity to weather the walk from the car into the shop and back again. That Ted. Whatta guy!

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