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Tuesday, Jul. 16, 2002 - 8:08 P.M.
We're Hunting Wascals!
We got us a wascal in our back yard, and he has officially PISSED ME OFF.
He began his wascalliness last year by engaging in some wascally behavior like pulling the hose off of the pump, thus pumping out all of the water. He didn't make appearances often, but just now and again. This year, he began by eating some of our fish. Now listen up kids, these fish were 25 cent goldfish that we bought last year. They survived an entire Chicago winter without benefit of human intervention. The freaking pond froze solid and they made it through. So along come this wascal, and helps himself. And not only does he feast on my fish, he apparently makes room for them by shitting WHILE he eats, leaving his pile on the rocks of the falls. How pleasant is that?
I was willing to chalk it up to man vs. nature. "Was" is the key word here. We worked our asses off 2 weeks ago, getting the front and back in shape. We planted beautiful plants and flowers. Since we are going to dig up and redo the back falls next spring, we thought it would be better to put in artificial foliage in the falls for the party. We got some very nice, realistic looking water lilies and hyacinth. The morning after the party, I went out to check on things, and found that all of the fake plants had been dragged out and chewed on forcefully. The teeth marks gave me the shivers. MOTH was stunned. We didn't do anything other than seethe about it. Then it upped the ante. A few days later, he chewed up the rest of the fake plants, perhaps he was a bit peckish. He then managed to pull the entire pump OUT of the pond. Yeah. I went out there and saw it. Asked MOTH if he had taken the pump out. Nope.
This morning, it sealed its fate. There is a hill of soil out there, and we have it covered with heavy carpet to suffocate any growth. The plan has been to use that to build the background for the new falls in the spring. This maniac has managed to pull the carpet entirely off the soil. It's a HEAVY carpet, and LARGE. I might have been able to overlook that. MIGHT. But then, I noticed that he had dragged my big ladybug off of the rocks and had chewed the legs, successfully amputating one of them.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don't think so!
So we got us a big honking trap. Got a big old ripe smelly banana in there with some peanut butter. I can't wait to look out there tomorrow. I will sneer at it, I will taunt it. I may even eat right in front of it. If I had the balls, I'd shit right there while I eat, but I have more class than that.
The pictures of the beast will be posted. As well as his fate.
"Kill the wabbit...with my speaw and Magic Hewmut! Magic Hewmut!"
*Elmer J. Fudd*
Beginning Weight: 204.5
Goal #1: 184 (Met 5/19/02)
Goal #2: 164.5
I hope to meet my final target by May 1, 2003
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