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Friday, Jun. 10, 2005 - 10:18 P.M.

I'm Feeling Weepy



I am feeling so very sorry for myself.

I'm hungry, not so much in the real sense but certainly in the perceptual sense. I am hungry for food. The kind of food I'm used to. Fat food. Fried food. Lots of food. Food without thought. Food without planning. Food without limits. Food without value. REALLY GOOD FOOD!

I know, all I do is weep and piss and moan about this diet that I WILLINGLY went on. Last time, was I this miserable? I don't remember being this resentful. I can barely live with myself. I wonder if it's the meds I'm on? I wasn't on welbutrin the last time, I wonder if that's the difference? I don't remember crying last time, but tonight...I cried. I just am so sad about having to do this. But I have to do it. Or I'll die.

I don't remember the food being this bad. I am the queen when it comes to filling my belly on a minimum of points, I can rustle up a weight watchers delight! But last time, I enjoyed it, and I liked the tastes. I thought perhaps I'd get some inspiration by visiting the weight watchers community message boards. It's worse than I thought. They are all clamoring over the tasty brownie recipe where you mix a box of brownie mix with a can of pureed black beans. Yes, you read that correctly. Black beans and brownie mix makes a tasty treat in weight watcher land. Over my fat ass it does! After I read that, I got damn near giddy over my evening's tuna salad. Damn near. Actually, even though I am hungry and about 10 points under, I threw half of my dinner down the disposal. I just don't want it.

What makes matters worse is that I tried not to weigh myself every day, but I thought if I could just get a smackeral of encouragement, if I could just see that number decrease by even 1/2 a pound, it would help me feel better about it. I've done great with my points. I have been under by 2-7 points ever single day except one, and then I was over by 1/2. But I still have 34.5 Flex Points for this week that I hope I won't use.


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