I stepped up on Monday morning to the grisly fact that I was up to 212.5. I considered slitting my wrists, but didn't like the idea of WGN Morning headlines like "Morbidly obese Western Suburban woman found dead..." So I just began the dreaded diet.

Despite the fact that I slipped, I kept my other points so low that despite the potato chips, I stayed below my daily point level.

On Tuesday morning, I stepped to see 210.0. Ok, 2 1/2 pounds off. Now I could rationalize that I didn't actually lose two pounds in a day, but what that did was make me think I did, and then I decided that I didn't want to see the scale go up, and if I stayed on my points, it might actually go down. So...I again stayed on my points. And THAT was hard, since I woke up to find a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies on the kitchen table. Thank you, Beast! I kept my points low, and had 2 cookies in the evening, and I came close, perhaps just barely over my daily points for the day.

This morning, the scale coughed up 208. Now you see, I have this pattern going, and now I know that if I cheat, the number is going to go up. If I hadn't stepped on the scale for a week, I never would have gotten going. But now that I have, I have to keep it up. And if I step on the scale and it hands me back a pound or two, I will be careful to not let it be more than that, it will keep me in line! So, it's not like I am looking to see how much I actually lost from day to day, it's to keep me on the up and up, to motivate and scare me into compliance. It's what I have to do, I don't give a SHIT about what the WW people say. It's my life, and I think I know myself better after 45 years than they do!

I noticed a new thing. Last time, I starved myself all day to keep night-time points, and often wound up not using them. The thinking was that if I needed to snack at night I wanted to have the points at hand. But now, I am so tired at night that if I get hungry I can just go to bed! So, I am trying to get myself to eat breakfast and use my points earlier, as is suggested by EVERYONE!

I also noticed that on Monday when I had real potato chips, I had one or perhaps two servings instead of the entire bag. And on Tuesday, I had 2 cookies, not 22. That's new.

I also noticed another pattern. The other day I was driving to work and my stomach was cramping and growling and it dawned on me that even though there is no reason to be this hungry on Weight Watchers, I make myself suffer all the time when I diet, particularly at the beginning. Like perhaps I'm doing a "no pain- no gain" thing. Isn't that stupid? So today I had a 5 point breakfast and then I had my coffee with light cream and then I had my late morning soup and then when I got home I had a 4 point WW Mac 'n' cheese. And nothing since. So I am sitting here at nearly 9pm and I have used no more than 10 points so far, and BEFORE ANYONE TELLS ME I HAVE TO USE THE POINTS AND NOT STARVE MYSELF I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!!!!!

I think I will have a cheese sandwich, since my mom is yelling at me to eat some proteins.

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