I've spent the last 4 nights dry-hacking the most unproductive cough I've ever had in my life. I can hardly swallow my own spit without going into convulsive coughing fits. Whatever it is, it's deep in my bronchi because I do all sorts of contorting and straining in an effort to bring up whatever the hell is down there! And it keeps me (and MOTH) from getting any deep sleep, it just erupts continuously all night long.

I read a bunch of diaries yesterday, and I can't remember where I read this, but someone was talking about inhaling a few kernels of corn and worrying about an ensuing infection. My mind shot back to last Sunday when MOTH and I went to Bennegan's for a little anniversary dinner (who SAID it wouldn't last two years!?!?). Any way, I ordered my usual Monte Cristo because they actually deep fry it and who doesn't like MORE fat and calories in their meal, hmm? I have a horrible habit of doing everything fast, and I talk to fast and I eat too fast and when I do both at the same time, it can't be pretty. So anyway, I was in the middle of some wonderful story and I took a bit of my sandwich. All was fine until I swallowed and then took a breath to continue my witty banter.

A Momma Cass Moment.

It's a horrible thing to choke or aspirate your food, worse yet when it's in a public place and a bajillion times worse when you're a person of size. I tried to keep my face covered with a napkin as I gasped for air and tried to hack up the piece of Monte Cristo so I could chew and swallow it properly. I could HEAR the thoughts floating through the air:

"Jesus, lady, try chewing the food!"

Moth was helpless. There was nothing he could do but watch as I turned 15 shades of colors no human should exhibit, flailing my arms at him with every attempt to help. He flagged down the waiter for a glass of water as I sat there wheezing, trying to get my breathing under control. How humiliating, sitting there panting, tears streaming down my face which was making my nose run which made me need to blow my nose which I couldn't do because I wasn't able to afford the breath it takes to do it. My God.

I felt very queasy and weak for a long time after that. I mean really, for a body that has to exert itself to put on a pair of shoes, this was a complete month's worth of cardio workout! My throat was raw from the harsh coughing and my head was dizzy from lack of oxygen.

Since that day, I'd been progressively coughing more, particularly at when when I am laying flat. A dry hacking cough. Nothing else. No other symptoms of feeling ill. No phlegm. However by yesterday, that had changed. My throat hurt, I was running a slight temp that came and went. I was so tired, but then again I'd been coughing all night every night for nearly a week, so I chalked it up to that.

Then I began reading diaries, and came across that entry about the inhaled corn. (I cannot for the life of me remember who's entry I was reading!). Anyway, I wondered about it, so I went the trusty MEDICAL SITE and did a little search about aspirated food. CRAP!

Historically, airway foreign bodies have been a major cause of morbidity and mortality in the United States. Although foreign body aspiration most commonly occurs in children, foreign body aspiration occurs in adults as well. It is commonly called a "caf� coronary"...Patients with partial airway obstructions may present weeks to months after the foreign body aspiration, and the condition may be diagnosed because of sequelae such as recurrent pneumonia, persistent cough, hemoptysis, wheezing, or atelectasis...Complications from foreign body aspiration include respiratory distress, asphyxia, cardiac arrest, fever, laryngeal edema, pneumothorax, hemoptysis, pneumonia, bronchiectasis, and bronchial stricture...Patients with partial airway obstruction may present with a sudden onset of coughing, difficulty in breathing, wheezing, or stridor while eating a meal. Unfortunately, a history consistent with foreign body aspiration is usually available in only 70% of patients. After the acute episode of airway distress, patients may continue to experience episodes of persistent coughing and wheezing, or they may become asymptomatic. Moreover, some patients experience recurrent episodes of pneumonia in the same topographic area. Other patients develop complications such as hemoptysis, bronchiectasis, and bronchial stricture...

Read enough? So, considering my acute phobia to the medical intervention it would take to see if there is something sitting in my trachea or bronchus, I am doomed to let it fester and cause further complications. I will continue to hack and wheeze as my body protests over this foreign invasion. But we shall lose no more sleep, I will not surrender. No sir. I will do what I did last night. I will use my very own weapon of mass destruction. I will self-administer a just-less-than-lethal dose of Nyquil.

The viscous red syrup runs down my throat and coats my esophagus and stomach causing a warm burning in my gut that quickly spreads towards my extremities. I try to get down to the bed before it's full effect takes me over, but in the end I go down like an elephant succumbs to the mighty dart gun. I bit of moaning and groaning, a few last lethargic spasms of consciousness, and I will finally relinquish my body to a sedated slumber. And then wake up coughing again in the morning.

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