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Wednesday, Dec. 25, 2002 - 11:50 P.M.

My Perfect Christmas


Is there any better way to celebrate Christmas, or anything else for that matter, than with family that you LIKE just as much as you love? Life is good. (Yes, of course I am crying).

Christmas Eve was lively, everyone in attendance. All of the usual traditions were in place: All of the well planned gifts exchanged with the perfect amount of fanfare, story telling and appreciation. A heartfelt and original saying of Grace by the whole family before dinner. Too much food. Served much later than anticipated. All of it wonderful. Lots of hugs. Tons of laughter and funny moments. Dad protesting as usual that we shouldn't have gotten him such an extravagant gift. Silly wonderful man. Perfectly chosen gifts to all of us from my mom (dad too, but let's be honest, she does it as she has for the last 48 years, and no one does it better). But there were some new things this year:

*Two new official members of the family, MOTH and Bucky (Bucky being my baby sister's new hubby).

*One new member-in-waiting, my niece/Goddaughter's fianc�. She looks so happy.

*One member gone, my now former sister in law.

*Baby bro asked my dad for a hug first thing when he got there last night. Dad relayed this info to me today, adding that it was the first time in nearly forever such a thing occurred. And his eyes welled with tears of joy.

*Youngest nephew, baby bro's youngest son, suffering the loss of his parents' marriage. He is being treated for a depressive episode. He isolated himself, or tried to, several times in the evening. I sat and talked with him while he lay on the couch in a dark room, tearfully telling me how sad he was, how strange it felt to be at this event as he has been his whole life, but this time without his mom. He is feeling betrayed by the world right now, indignant that it continues to spin, angry that life goes on and traditions continue in the wake of his loss. For the first time ever, I got the chance to comfort him, to talk to him alone, stroking his calves as he wept, assuring him, as one depressant to another, that this episode will pass and that while he will never stop hoping about a reunion, and never forget how it felt to be a united family, he WILL one day not hurt so badly as a result of the depression. He doesn't believe me now, but he will. I don't know that I helped him one bit, but I know I tried.

*Karen and her family skipping church, because they recognized that sometimes family...FAMILY...can be church. It doesn't have to be in a building, and it doesn't have to be at 9:00 or midnight or noon. It can be the moment when you look around the room and know that you have been blessed. When you realize that it won't always be this way. And that this...this right now...is more important than any other place, because in this moment of love and life and family and sharing and caring is what God and religion and church is all about.


We had our typical Christmas morning. BEAST woke up Finchie, and then came and woke me at abut 7:30. I cracked open an eye and asked her to make coffee. Finchie appeared about 15 minutes later to announce that the carafe was full and it was time to begin. It's my job to drag eldest out of bed, just as I have done every Christmas for the last 18 years. He'd just rather sleep, go figure.

This year I had to do the whole thing without benefit of estrogen, my patch Rx having run out with my Dr. out of town for 2 weeks. So every other gift was presented or received with tears. None more than when I was presented with my gift from Eldest: a hand compiled CD of songs special to me or to him about me. Some of them silly, most of them silly. The Superman song ("I'm more than a bird...") was first, and he did a ballet to it, ala Gary and Ace ("The Ambiguously Gay Duo) and I wept and giggled openly. I honored Eldest's request about no presents as best I could by donating aid to a Chinese Orpahn for a year. He was very appreciative and moved.

All of the gifts, as special as they were, pale by comparison to the rest of the day. We had our first Christmas family open house. And everyone who was at mom's last night was here today in our little cramped Brady-Bunch house. The exception being baby sis and Bucky as they were in their home with Bucky's fam, just as important in my opinion. MOTH made his Chili and I made my Chicken soup. There was no set time to arrive, no set time to eat. And everyone straggled in at their own pace. And we continued the eating, and the talking and hugging and laughing and the loving. We watched the Trading Spaces marathon. I got to show them the progress (or lack of) on my room. I got to show my brother work that I did on my bathroom FOUR years ago.

Everyone has gone home except one nephew. He's upstairs playing an endless game of Careers with my 3 kids. A game they collectively purchased for 25 cents last summer at a garage sale. A game they have easily played for hundreds of hours. They are laughing too loud, occasionally cursing (for which I toss up an ignored reprimand). They are "arguing." They are thumping, negotiating. Bonding like I never did with my siblings let alone my cousins. Eldest lost AGAIN, this time because he was "stuck" in Hawaii on vacation. :-) He said, "I was the poorest, and yet I was the happiest."

There is no more precious sound than my childrens' laughs. You can't wrap this up. And I won't have it forever. But I thank God every day and night that I at least have it now. And I will be a blessed woman if some day I can grow up to be like my mom, and I can go to my kids' homes and I can see them all together, loving each other, and I can see my grandchildren all playing together, and loving each other, and building their own traditions.

Merry Merry Christmas.


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