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Cobwebs in corners and squawking young finches.

Bathrooms need cleaning and waistband still pinches.

Dust bunnies multiply, I'll get to it soon.

Just 84 days 'til the 15th of June.

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Yeah, I know, it's not much. I decided that since this is my LAST BLAST weekend, I didn't want to post anything having to do with dieting. I have to rest up! So, here are a few of my musings. Be kind, I still haven't gotten myself back on schedule with my zoloft nor my estrogen!

There are mutations of nature happening that annoy me and which I find a bit unsettling. I mean, it's one thing to say to your kids "When I was young we only had one television and it was black and white and no one ever heard of a remote!" But what's creeping me out is that there are actual freaks of nature that have occurred since I was a kid. Like....well, for one thing, the FREAKING SUN! It's different now. Remember how we'd begin the summer with purposefully getting a sun burn? That laid the base for a beautiful tan! Remember using baby oil as suntan lotion? Sunscreen???!?!?! Never! I'm a quick study though. Only took one third degree burn to teach me about SPF5000!

Bees. We didn't have these bees when I was young. We had two kinds. Bumble bees were fat and yellow and had black stripes and John Belushi dressed up like on on SNL back when it was called "Saturday Night." And they were smallish, not the behemoth mammalian things we have now. And sweat bees were littler and hung around you when you sweat, which for me was never really a problem since I wasn't exactly the work-up-a-sweat kind of kid. We didn't have killer bees and the aggressive things that hang out around garbage cans. Now you can't even drink a pop outside without a swarm jockeying for ownership.

The ugliest bug we had then were box elder bugs. Used to freak me out. Now? Earwigs. What the FUCK is an earwig, where did they come from and WHEN????? Jesus Christ!

And can someone PLEASE explain to me WHY there are sea gulls around here now when the closest thing to "sea" is a retention pond that is dry 1/2 of the year? When did they completely lose their sense of direction? When did they settle for puddles?

Joan Rivers. Could she look any more surprised if a seagull swooped down and smacked her in the back of the head? Good God her skin is drawn so tight she can't even blink. I happen to be watching "So Graham Norton" on BBC tonight...right now as I type this. I swear to God she just said "Take out a hypo and give me a lypo." Swear! She looks like she's stoned. And the other guest on the show is Boy George. (Maybe they got high together before the show.) I didn't even know that he was still alive. It would be hard to tell them apart except for two small things: He's the one with the hat, and she's the thinner of the two. You're welcome.

I cleaned out the van today. I found one of the twin's diapers. On Tuesday they will be 15.

I have become acutely aware of my arms when I sleep. I don't know what to do with them. They are in my way. This never used to be a problem.

Update on MOTH's TIA. All of the tests show that he had a trauma. No shit. I wonder how much all of that will amount to? Other than that, there is no news. Dr. says nothing seems wrong. Blood flow good. Heart valve good. Blood pressure good. Cholesterol only a tad high, but not significant. Ain't science grand.

Chick update: We now have 4 new babies in the cage that already had 2 adults and 2 almost grown chicks. It's going to be crowded. Four babies squeaking for food is sounding less cute to the rest of the family. I get dirty looks about every 7 minutes. Over across the room, the nest with 4 eggs in it remains unchanged. The bastard male does nothing to help her warm the eggs. He's a pig.

Liza update: Little Liza has decided that she and new hubby are going to adopt 4 children. God help them. (The kids, not the parents).

Stretch mark update: I think they are all about to explode. I have gone through a bottle of Benedryl gel, I have tried the oral Benedryl, but it only makes me sleep and does nothing to cure the problem. I have gone through a tube of Cortisone creme, and some kind of prescription cream stuff that MOTH once used. I am about to go nuts. Itch now is down the back of my legs. No rash visible there yet. Right thigh still rashy. I got a good case of cooties, I do.

If you read my guestbook, you will see that I am an innocent victim! MOTH put his foot down and demanded that I NOT begin the new diet until Monday so that he could spoil me with all of the foods I want. We went out tonight for Alphie's onion rings and garlic dipping sauce and I am so full now, 3 hours later, that I could die! Tomorrow is the FRANCHEESIE!

Weather update: What the fuck. Last week we again went from shirt sleeve temps to snow. Today was too warm for a jacket, yet it is supposed to snow again this next week. Of course it will, I'm on Spring break!

The really nice thing about being in the schools is that I get to have the same vacations that the kids have, so I get the next week off for Spring Break. If I were anything like my mom, I would have a major week of cleaning and productive things in store. But I'm not really like her. So I have a big week of laziness planned. Well, I do have Beast and Finchie's birthday on Tuesday so I have to clean up the house a LITTLE and do some gift shopping. I also need to get my hair trimmed. And go for a fitting with the wedding dress. And get shoes. And I have to be church sometime this week to show the secretary how to update the calendar page I made for our website. Thursday is scrapbooking day at mom's with Beast and niece and baby sister (the latter 2 also in education). Crap. Not much time for the Simming I had planned.

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