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Sunday, Dec. 02, 2007 - 7:00 P.M.

IbeScared

We've done it before, and it's never pretty. But since the chillin's have all abandoned me and MOTH and I are surrounded by empty nest, we decided to REHAB the house. Perhaps most would have left well enough alone after we turned Beast's room in the primary guest room/ Ibe's office. It turned out great and we might have stopped when we were ahead. But we were so gosh darned happy to have finished something, that we plowed into the middle room and made that another guest room/ MOTH's office.

THEN we got just giddy and ventured into what had always been the boy's room. In most homes, this would be the master bedroom, but we gave that to the boys and had a suite in the basement. Now we wanted to come up into the light. It involved some of the same gory steps as the offices, like tearing out carpeting, treating mold, painting...but to a MUCH larger degree. Despite all of the doubts I had, we not only finished it, we did a DAMN FINE JOB! Seriously, do I need to even label the before and after shots?

. . .

Now...we might have stopped there. But then I wouldn't have been prompted to post after such a lengthy silence. What could be so hard about doing over the SMALLEST room in the house? The silly little upstairs bathroom! How hard could it be????

Did you catch the sarcastic drip there?

We have a system. I do the designing. I pick out the colors, the materials, the accessories. I help with the destruction. I paint the walls and woodwork. MOTH does anything and everything related to the ceiling. He does the CONstruction. He does the heavy stuff. He uses the tools. And we have an understanding that I am to ignore the shrieks that come out the room he's in, unless I hear "Call 911." Other than that, I am NOT to enter the room. "No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door....Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!"

So tonight, I sat down, not knowing what to do with the screams of "YOU BASTARD!" "YOU STUPID BITCH!" "STOP FUCKING WITH ME!" and "STUPID MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT CRAP FUCK!" intermixed with drilling, sawing and hammering.

Mind you, he's laying a self stick floor right now.

Help.

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