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Monday, Aug. 19, 2002 - 9:58 P.M.
Shit Kickers!
Ok, I don't get beach-goers. Ok, let me rephrase. I understand the appeal of the beach. I don't understand the SWIMMERS at the beach. Why in God's name would anyone want to go into the water?
Even when I was a kid I didn't relish the idea of lake swimming. First of all the beaches were creepy. Ailweis and other dead fish stinking up the shorelines. I didn't like seaweed and fish bumping into my legs. I liked to open my eyes under the water and see where I was going. It seemed kind of icky. But I was willing to believe that it was just my own quirky thing.
Sometime in the 1980's the beaches in Chicago got crappy. Literally. The city began taking "fecal" counts. A local radio personality team gave the weather in "fecal greaseball degrees." It didn't take a genius to notice that most of the people "swimming" were in the water for the whole day without getting out, including children. And babies. Babies in DIAPERS! You KNOW they had to be using the lakes as a toilet.
Now the city is trying to re-word the system. They are doing "bacteria" counts. Bullshit, man, they are looking for turds. They are turd counting the water. And they have had to close the beaches several times this summer, for days at a time, because there is no way for nature to flush. Gak!
Who wants to swim in a toilet? And yet they continue to do so. In droves. They are taking "counts" right around the swimmers.
"Excuse me, can you step to the side whilst I count that turd floating by you?"
Good God!
"If you took a shit, please put it back."
*Public Bathroom Wall*
Beginning Weight: 204.5
Goal #1: 184 (Met 5/19/02)
Goal #2: 164.5
I hope to meet my final target by May 1, 2003
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