MOTH and I drove Eldest down to college yesterday to check in. He decided to leave his car here and come back with us, spend Friday and Saturday fixing it up, and then go back on Sunday. I wanted to be selfish and encourage him to stay home until the last minute, but I was a good girl and persuaded him that returning on Sunday when classes started on Monday was not a good idea. I felt that he would be missing out on Freshman activities, and settling in kind of stuff. So after a 3 hour drive we unpack all of his stuff...and I DO mean ALL of his stuff! I wondered why he had packed every shred of clothing he owned, and then he said it was because he only wanted to do laundry once a month. My boy.

We got him all unpacked in the blistering heat and humidity that yesterday brought. Good Lord! But it brought back a lot of memories. Some things have changed, like every student was lugging in their computer. We were lucky to have an electric typewriter in my day. And two-tone ribbon (red/black) was down right flamboyant! We spent more money at the WalMart, getting the bits and pieces to make his new homes complete. We met his room mate, who seems like a real nice guy and a perfect buddy for my Eldest.

I made up his bed, hung his shirts, made sure he had pop tarts in his cabinet, set up the PC and printer, bought him a web cam so I can see him from time to time between visits. And then we 3 drove home in a monsoon. You'd think that with rain that hard it would have gotten cooler, but hell no. And I don't have A/C in the trusty old Caravan. I wanted to puke.

We got home about 11 P.M. On the way home, Eldest could barely contain his enthusiasm about going back. He finally decided that if he worked hard on the car in the morning, he'd be able to head back a day early. My heart tugged and I made my mouth smile. This was a good thing, I know this was a good thing.

So today he got up and decided that he didn't want to bother messing with the car. He took MOTH out to breakfast (I just couldn't make myself go, I can't explain it). We dug out an old dorm-sized refrigerator that actually is a tad larger than the one I had. This one will hold maybe TWO six packs (OF POP!) and a tray of ice...and a few inches of mold by May. I cleaned it up while they were gone. He came back and his girlfriend came by (she is still in high school but has an off-campus lunch period and we live close enough for her to walk over).

He took her back to school, and came back to put the last of his stuff in his car. I looked at the clock and it was noon. He went up to go to the bathroom and I broke. He started bellowing for me to get him "tee-pee for my bung-hole!" It made me cry more. It seemed like his voice was doing more of its adolescent pitch-breaking than usual, and that made me weep. I tried so hard not to make it hard for him to go. And then...well, all that was left was the hug.

It was a very long hug. And in that hug I told him how proud I was of him and how much I love him and I used no words to express how painful my home was going to be without him here every day. I really didn't want to let go. But when he began to tear-up, I knew I had to stop indulging my own self-pity and let go.

I sent him on his way with all of the groceries in the house that I thought he could use, and the fridge, and all our pop and all the cash I had in my purse. I sent him with MOTH'S cell phone. I sent him with my love and hugs and kisses and prayers and tears.

I love that boy so much. And none of my tears are about fears for him. He is a man I am so proud to know, and he will do great. It's all selfish tears right now. And wishes that he'd still be my baby boy. And he always will be...but today I saw him taking the largest step he's ever taken so far in 18 years.

And I've spent the rest of the day crying over it.

TODAY'S QUOTE

"I am so proud of you."

*Me*

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