I'm going off of the "X" I think. Digital bastard reads 203. It might mean that I have lost 11 pounds. Somehow I don't think so. But for right now, I'll accept it and allow the "X" to stay for a few more days and see what happens. It does help me not snack. I wonder if it helped that I walked my ASS off yesterday at the flea market. Actually, I walked my feet off. I mentioned in one of my first posts about the toll that the PSI takes on me. These feet of mine are mutant. I can wear a child's size FOUR! Put 200+ pounds on those lil babies and they wanna break. Now walk around for 5 hours on concrete and gravel and you can imagine how my dogs are barkin' today. My heels are bruised. I have a knot in my right calf the size of a softball. God I am a mess. (***note to concerned emailers: I DO wear good shoes, SAS, and i DO have arch supports and heel cushions in them).

I went to my mom's the other day to watch the MOTH do some lovely and skilled brickwork. I decided to give her digibast a chance to hurt me. Not only did it tell me something I won't even bother repeating here, but when I stepped off, it still read 4 pounds! What the hell is that shit? Like I am so fat the air around me is heavy?!?!?!?

I know everybody around town is doing a column on the Labor Day telethon. Let me add my "Holy Shit!" comment on the appearance of ol' Jer. The years have taken their toll on the bastard, haven't they? It's no secret that I have no respect for this moron, and I never have. I made the mistake once of slamming him in front of someone who's sibling had MS and it's almost as bad as insulting him in front of a Parisienne. They love this guy. I don't know why. After 1/2 of a Century of the billions of dollars raised, you'd think something more would have happened. Besides that, this guy doesn't work but one weekend per year, does he? Why is he so rich??? And he isn't even on camera much anymore, I wonder if he really is even there at all? I've had the show on for about 3 hours and I haven't seen nor heard him yet! Ed's there doing all of the work! Maybe Jer's phoning in his portions from France via WebCam.

Have you LOOKED at this guy? Holy Bloating, Batman! He looks like a South Park parody of himself. I think perhaps he either in having withdrawal or he has Parkinson's. He was shaking pretty damn bad last night. My first reaction was BACK OFF OF THE ZOOM since his face was filling the whole screen, but then I just figured that he really does have a big head and no matter how far they back up, it fills the shot.

As Uncle Bob reported, the talent is nonexistent. Big Ed is now announcing people who I think were the big losers of Star Search. (***live commentary alert....some comic is on the national feed now and is BOMBING! I think children are now dying as a direct result of this guy....)

So this morning I have on the local feed, from Chicago. And the big celeb they reeled in for the event is Kevin "I was fat then I got thin and now I am fat again" Meany. I like Kevin. He makes me laugh. He is way way waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy out of his element here. For one thing, he is a mean comic. It's pathetic to see a mean comic try to be softer to get money for a cause. The great thing is, he can't do it, I mean, he can't soften up! I didn't see the show last night to see how it all started, but apparently they are doing a hopping theme here in Chicago. I don't know if it is just a local thing or not. But from what I can gather, every so often they set the timer at 2 minutes and Kevin brings in some kids to hop for that time and the phones are supposed to go wild. I get the feeling this began with Kevin hopping because he is now flat-out refusing when prodded to jump by his co-hosts. He's sweating like a pig screaming at the children. And the camera is doing some kind of stop-action shot so that it looks like Kev is jumping (I think). The phones don't seem to be responding.

"JUMP! KEEP JUMPING!!! DON'T YOU WANT TO RAISE MONEY? THE PHONES WON'T RING IF YOU DON'T JUMP!!! JUMP, DAMMIT JUUUUUMP!!!!!!"

Several of the kids sat down in protest. Now the pictures shows few kids jumping and you can see Kev sitting on the steps by the protesters, and his mic is off but you can hear his through someone else's mic pleading with these kids to move their asses now or millions of children will die. They aren't swayed. This by far was the most entertaining segment I had seen yet.

I guess the whole thing can be summed up by looking at this fact: It is almost 10:30 AM Central time, and Chicago's last tote was a mere $137,000. I think it's time for Old Big Head to get up off of his puffy ass and snort some speed with a few shots (or whatever he used to do), and get on camera, zone out, wig out, get involved, run up and down the aisles with buckets grabbing money out of the audience's hands. Now THAT was good television!

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