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Friday, Jul. 26, 2002 - 7:01 P.M.
NOT MY FAULT!
Oh. Mah. Gawd.
I can't believe I didn't think of it first! Some assshole (yes, THREE s's) is suing McDonald's, Wendy's, KFC, and Burger King because he claims that they are responsible for his obesity! No way! He says that it tasted good, and even though his doctor had warned him, after bypass, NOT to eat those foods, he couldn't believe that anything that tasted that good was bad for you. His claim is that they didn't do enough to warn him about the health risks of eating fast food on a daily basis.
Have we YET reached the limit on the "It's not my fault" era? Good LORD! If this suit gets into court, then Pandora's box is completely open. No one need take responsibility for anything anymore.
Frankly, I'm pissed because I am looking at raising three teenagers without benefit of child support, putting said three through college without contribution from father and no aid since the state seems to think that anyone NOT on welfare is too rich for assistance. I need a quick cah cow! Why didn't I think of suing for my fat? DAMMIT!
That's it! I need to get me a lawyer. Let's see....
I'll sue Pizza Hut for making the stuffed crust pizza look so damn good!
I'll sue the Nestle Company for making the very best chocolate.
I'll sue Oscar Mayer for making bologna my best friend.
I'll sue the Sprite company for telling me to obey my thirst.
I'll sue Kellogg's for drilling into my head that Frosted Flakes are GRrrrrrrrrrreeat!
And how about the Florida Citrus Council for telling us that a day without orange juice is like a day without sunshine. NO IT'S NOT! I'm SUING!
And JELLO for telling me that there's always room for it? SUE!
Lay's, for daring me to eat just one, knowing full well I COULDN'T! SUE!
And let's just tack on Jays, for making me believe that I can't stop eating em! SUE!
Pillsbury goes on the list. Why, you ask? How about "Nothing says lovin' like somethin' from the oven?" SUE THAT DAMN POPPIN' FRESH FREAK!
So IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I'M FAT! So I'm going to sue ALL of those people for making me fat!
AND:
I'll sue the Palmolive company for my limp fingernails. I BELIEVED Madge! I SOAKED!
I'll sue American Express for my debt since they told me not to leave home without it.
I'll sue Clarol for my thin hair, taunting me that blondes have more fun.
And if that doesn't work, maybe I'll sue the fat ass that farted in the store last night. I had to BREATHE a STRANGER'S fart! There HAS to be money in that!
"I didn't do it."
*Bart Simpson*
Beginning Weight: 204.5
Goal #1: 184 (Met 5/19/02)
Goal #2: 164.5
I hope to meet my final target by May 1, 2003
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