I'm betting that almost every woman who reads this knows exactly what the pencil test is. Or at least you'll remember hearing about it once you read this. I first heard of it back when I was in jr. high school, I think, when women were beginning to burn their bras. It was quite an uncommon thing then, to see someone bounce past you in the middle of the day. Startling in fact. And I'm guessing that up until the bra burning began, the pencil test wasn't really needed, maybe it hadn't even existed.

The pencil test was/is the ultimate test to determine if one should wear a bra. If you place a pencil "under" your boob, and it can be held in place just by the saggage, then you should be wearing a supporting garment. It's that simple.

I was a bit baffled by the test when I first heard of it. The idea of holding anything under the little puff of skin that surrounded tiny nipples was simply insane.

"What do you MEAN hold the pencil 'under' the boob? I HAVE no under-boob!"

So, it was safe to assume that I needed no such device as the bra. For a very long time. In fact, on very cold days I actually DID cover up with Band-Aids. It might have been suggested as a joke, but it worked for me.

Fast forward several decades. I have this horrible sweating problem amplified by hormonal imbalance and effexor. And it's summer time. AND...I'm heavier than ever. So the other day, when I changed out of my clothes at night, I felt a searing pain "under" my left boob, right where the bra rested (I try not to wear underwire bras, good God why would anyone wear that beast?). When I got nekked, I hoisted up that puppy and saw what might have started out as a heat rash. But one of the bumps was kind of rubbed raw and stinging like blazes.

MOTH says his mother used to call the condition "gald" or something like that. He also adds that he never EVER heard of a woman getting it where I seem to have it.

Of COURSE not.

The first thing I that I thought was that it would feel much better if I just didn't wear a bra at all. And I was standing in front of my mirror examining the underside of my left breast after my shower (to inspect the rash!) and I suddenly thought about the pencil test. I know I didn't really have to put it to a test, but I just thought I would for the hell of it. So I looked around and first of all realized that the reason I can't ever find a freaking pencil in this house is because they all are in the bathroom! Anyway, I gave it a whirl.

We now have 1 less pencil in the house, I don't where the hell it went. Up into the boob-flap vortex I guess. Not only can I now HOLD a pencil under my boob, I find that I can pretty much hold a heavy duty Craftsman All Steel Tool chest under it....AND I'M ONLY A "B" CUP!!!!!!!!

I guess this means my band aid days are over.

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