It wasn't the car I wanted. It was practical. But it was kind of hard to be real excited about buying a new MINIVAN! And, because of the way things were in my life, I didn't get the much of what I wanted. The minivan was for me and the carting of the kids, not him. So things like power windows and locks were not even considered. Why pay the extra cost for something that would only convenience me? He had no problem reaching over to the passenger side to unlock a door or roll down a window...but I was a different story, one that apparantly didn't count. And forget about getting anything as trivial as the color I wanted. So I wound up with a forest green Dodge Caravan.

Woo. Hoo.

That first dent was the beginning of the end. It stayed fairly pristine for the first few years. Right after the car was paid for in full. Then the right front speaker went out. Warranty replaced it, but it went out again, just days after the warranty ran out. Oh well, stereo is over rated anyway. I think the next thing to crap out was the tailgate. What used to close with a few fingers on one hand now takes a body slam from Godzilla.

A few summers ago, the air conditioning went on strike. Just quit without notice. And then the rear passenger tail light went out. Well...it didn't so GO out as my dad backed into it and BROKE it out, but it's out none the less. And of course I never had it repaired.

I could live with that. It seemed a small price to pay for having a car without a car payment. But then it started playing the FIX ME game. The thermostat went weird. And I wound up with something big cracked in the engine like a gasket head or a head gasket or something that cost me $1800 to fix. Of course I cried, but I got it fixed. I mean "fixed." That was 4 thermostats ago. I learned how to throw that puppy into neutral and gun it while ramming the heater up full tilt while flying down the tollway. But this last weekend it really got bad, and we were afraid that another gasket thing would crack, and so MOTH made a decision to pull the plug, deemed it brain dead and just pulled the last thermostat out. Done deal. Had we known it was going to plummet to -20 degrees, we might have chosen to wait a bit longer. My toes and fingers would have appreciated it. Deeply.

As if that weren't bad enough, the damned thing has been tormenting me, taunting me, driving me mad, or trying to. For no reason what so ever, the interior lights flash on and off, the "door ajar" sign lights and flashes on and off. And it doesn't stop doing this. Oh wait, yes it does. It'll do it for about 60 seconds and then rest for about 30 seconds and start up the cycle again. Oh, and when the lights flash, it also does the BING BING BING sound.

Over.

And over.

And over.....

Last night I drove home from work in the dark when it started. I stopped at the end of the dimly light frontage road and went around to each door, opening and slamming it shut. In the freaking sub zero weather, I'm slamming doors and no matter how hard I hammered them, the dome light shone bright. And the BING binged.

All

the

way

home.

It was more than irritating. I was like driving with a damned strobe light. Shit, it was hard to focus!

SO I drive an FUV. You know, a Fucked Up Vehicle. But someday I'm going to get the car of my dreams. The windows will be power and the locks too. And it will be the color I want, with stripes and white wheel rims and a moon roof and it will have a remote so it can heat up while I wait inside and it will have adjustable height seats so I don't have to stretch to drive it. And the air conditioning will work and the mirrors will adjust, And oh yeah, it will have one of those beepie sensor things that goes off if you are going to back over something. And it will have four speakers that work....oh yeah someday...this baby will be mine

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